Good morning folks, Jeremy Crow here, the leader of the
first Life Explained franchise up here in the northeastern part of the country,
where we work on the things that matter most to us, and may affect the rest of
you. Actually when we are done working on it, it will probably most definitely
affect the rest of you. As in our last white paper on trying harder, or as many
people like to call it “cheating” we again will try to deal with some issues
that affect the great New England pastime, of watching 31 other teams fight
over who gets to lose to the Patriots. It isn’t easy, but then again if it were
easy it wouldn’t be part of what we here examine now would it?
As a public service this week we have decided to leave the
trying harder to the staff at the Patriots organization while we work on way
that other teams can cope with not being the Patriots. Although this doesn’t
seem all that easy we have been studying the data and have a few drug free
approaches to dealing with the trauma of not being a Patriots fan. Now we
aren’t going to take the New York Jets approach to dealing with this, by being
the most fabulous disaster every year, we are thinking more along the lines of
the Cleveland Browns approach of you wait until next year. It always seems to
work well until it is next year, and then you can always say, that it is this
year, and next year is still on the table.
The new approach to not being a Patriots fan appears to be
the “at least we don’t cheat” method. In theory you can always say, “at least
we didn’t cheat” when your team loses, and then feel better about yourselves.
This only seems to work as long as you are in denial over how it makes a
Patriots fan feels. They actually don’t care, but if you try really hard you
can convince yourself that the feeling of being a winner that they always seem
to have, has been lessened a little bit. I mean in reverse it always seems to
make the Steelers fans feel better that they have never admitted to losing a
game. They take great solace in believing that every game they didn’t win was
because someone somewhere screwed them out of the victory, so the philosophy is
strong and has stood for decades, as long as the denial doesn’t weaken.
In the event that the denial weakens you can always move
along to plan two. There is always some team out there that is worse than
yours. I mean this doesn’t work well for Jacksonville Jaguars fans, but if you
squint your eyes really tight, and hold your breath until you are about to pass
out, you can feel good that you aren’t a Chicago Cubs fan. I mean sure it is a
cross mingling of sports and all, but thanks to global warming and the end of
the earth there is no chance the Jaguars will go 419 years without a
championship like the Cubs seem to be going. We’re all about solutions here folks,
even if you can’t just love life as the fan of a champion. There is always
someone somewhere that is worse off than you or a really good excuse to why
others do better than your team.
Well from the great northeast we just want to say, look on
the bright side. Not everyone can have a crack team like us to work on life’s
little problems, but if you just stick to our company motto (We’ll fix it or
we’ll fix it so that nobody will EVER fix it!), you too can start explaining
away the world’s most fascinating and complicated issues, or at least have a
good knowledge of where to hide the evidence otherwise.
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