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Thursday, November 5, 2015

Everything Old is New Again, or Leave the Past Alone.

Things are going pretty well, here at Life Explained. We have several new offices scattered around the globe. Plus, we have started new research into the cause of voter apathy, turns out it is politicians, and pointless pieces of legislature, go figure. Anyway we decided to give the ol' place a face lift.

None of us wanted any of that trendy, glass, polished steel, new age, soulless crap that passes for architecture these days. We wanted something primal, ancient, ominous. We went with the look of Medieval Europe, a slate roof, sweeping, majestic windows, with wrought iron frames, and gargoyles. Those things are so cool.

Actually, nobody really cared about what the rest of the building looked like. You could cover it in tar paper and cardboard, as long as there were some gargoyles watching over from the edge of the rooftop.

We contracted with a company in a historic village in Italy to carve some of the fearsome beasts for our renovation. The artisan explained that the marble used was from an ancient quarry in the Carpathians, steeped in mystery, and intrigue. Wow, this just gets better all the time.

 It cost a kings ransom, and shipping was ridiculously expensive. But, when they were mounted on the building ,and the full moon complimented the light shining from underneath, with the shadows, and the wind, and leaves rustling, you would swear they were moving. No, they are moving, holy crap.

Well, I have some important paperwork to take care of inside, in the safe, right now.

Tune in tomorrow, when we ask for a refund, and some sort of spiritual intervention.