Last we saw Eddie and the giant god of Christmas past were strapped into a PT cruiser, rocketing through the ether of a world that exists just to the right of reality. Drinks were jostling and the popcorn and peanut shells were floating up off the floor and dancing around their heads, looking almost alive, and slightly malevolent.
"I tell you, that Tooth Fairy, he is a piece of work. The Easter Bunny had to have a wad of chewing gum cut out of his tail. Oh, sure, nobody saw it happen, but if anybody had a big wad of sugary gum to waste it would be that guy." The god of Christmas Past drained his can and tossed it towards the back. It floated up and bounced gently off Eddie's head.
Eddie swatted at the can, and thought, this is the craziest dream I've ever had. But, the can circled around and hit him in the back of the head, startling him, making him doubt he was in a dream. He looked around, and thought I don't think this is a dream.
"How long have you known the Tooth Fairy?" Eddie asked, realizing how stupid it sounded, even as he said it. In all fairness to Eddie this was an odd situation, even for Thanksgiving.
The god of Christmas Past looked at Eddie, over the top of a pair of waif there is nyfarer sunglasses. "Forever," he said. "Look, we are extranatural beings, we have been here forever, and we will be here forever. Our lives are endless, and beginningless too, when you think about it. So, we go way back.
"His name is Bob, oh you can call me Billy, he used to be tolerable. But, he got that job, and it turned him sour. He started in on the sugar, and caffeine, and cocoa, and salt, he may have an addictive personality, and it changed him."
Eddie swatted at a piece of popcorn, and a wad of gum, before asking "How many extranatural beings are there?
"Damned if know, there are a bunch, tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, countless monsters under the bed, all kinds of openings, and always enough, but never any extra. Now, it seems like the scale is a little off, too many of us, and more coming."
Tune in tomorrow to discover the secret from Eddie's past, but don't tell anyone, it's a secret.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Billy, the god of Christmas Past, part 5 (V if you are from ancient Rome)
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.