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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Billy, the god of Christmas Past, part 5 (V if you are from ancient Rome)

Last we saw Eddie and the giant god of Christmas past were strapped into a PT cruiser, rocketing through the ether of a world that exists just to the right of reality. Drinks were jostling and the popcorn and peanut shells were floating up off the floor and dancing around their heads, looking almost alive, and slightly malevolent.

"I tell you, that Tooth Fairy, he is a piece of work. The Easter Bunny had to have a wad of chewing gum cut out of his tail. Oh, sure, nobody saw it happen, but if anybody had a big wad of sugary gum to waste it would be that guy." The god of Christmas Past drained his can and tossed it towards the back. It floated up and bounced gently off Eddie's head.

Eddie swatted at the can, and thought, this is the craziest dream I've ever had. But, the can circled around and hit him in the back of the head, startling him, making him doubt he was in a dream. He looked around, and thought I don't think this is a dream.

"How long have you known the Tooth Fairy?" Eddie asked, realizing how stupid it sounded, even as he said it. In all fairness to Eddie this was an odd situation, even for Thanksgiving.

The god of Christmas Past looked at Eddie, over the top of a pair of waif there is nyfarer sunglasses. "Forever," he said. "Look, we are extranatural beings, we have been here forever, and we will be here forever. Our lives are endless, and beginningless too, when you think about it. So, we go way back.

"His name is Bob, oh you can call me Billy, he used to be tolerable. But, he got that job, and it turned him sour. He started in on the sugar, and caffeine, and cocoa, and salt, he may  have an addictive personality, and it changed him."

Eddie swatted at a piece of popcorn, and a wad of gum, before asking "How many extranatural beings are there?

"Damned if know, there are a bunch, tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, countless monsters under the bed, all kinds of openings, and always enough, but never any extra. Now, it seems like the scale is a little off, too many of us, and more coming."

Tune in tomorrow to discover the secret from Eddie's past, but don't tell anyone, it's a secret.