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Saturday, February 27, 2016

Saturday, My Old Friend.

Saturday, a blessed relief after the week we have had, here at Life Explained Ohio. Everything that could go wrong did, and things that should have been easy were hellish. But, we made it through, and only lost a few associates.

Monday we had a disaster in the kitchen. Bob, from applied sciences, was microwaving a plate of fish and chips, leftovers from his big night out. Robert, from accounts payable, wanted to throw in his corned beef and cabbage, he isn't really Irish, but he starts celebrating Saint Patrick's Day early and keeps it up until April. Green clothes, green food coloring in his water, stupid "top o' the mornin' to you" every day, for over a month. We have discussed caving his skull in with a shillelagh several times. But we are pretty peaceful and the custodial staff would explode, they are still fuming over the mess we made when we accidentally melted the alien in the elevator, but that is another story.

Anyway, Robert (we are supposed to call him Patty this month) asked if he could throw his food in with Bob's food, and since we are so kind, polite and accommodating he said "of course."

At the same time there was a small accident in the electronics, and computer lab. A blast of animation energy was released through the electrical system. It hit the microwave first, and the Irish dish started fighting the English dish in a historic battle for liberation.

The foods and drinks in the refrigerator were so inspired by the patriotic fervor and quickly turned on each other. Soft drinks spilled all over pizza, fruits and vegetables were locked in battles to the death.

Most of the people got out, they did not need a PhD (but most of them had one) to know what was coming next. The food and drinks started turning on the people who were going to eat and drink. Soon, the whole building was overrun with angry food, blood thirsty drinks.

We managed to stabilize our position in the first floor lavatory, and launch a counter offensive on
Tuesday. It was a hard fought battle, but by Thursday night we had managed to claim the high ground, and the fire hose. We rounded up the food, threw it in several large pots and made some of the worst tasting and uncomfortable stews ever imagined.

Monday we are going to have to give the custodians a raise to get them to come back, and we are going to give the electronics lab a dedicated and independent power supply. And see if the US military is interested in using animated food to quell local insurgents.