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Friday, February 5, 2016

Super Bowl Prediction, Chips Dip Drink, repeat.

It is almost time for the annual Life Explained, Ohio Office Superbowl Party. Preparations are proceeding at a fevered pitch. We have a DJ for the pregame party, a crate of assorted chips, wheel barrows full of dip, soft drinks, drinks that are not quite so soft, two submarine sandwiches of length that is almost obscene, cakes, pies, ice cream and a fog machine. Nobody really knows why we have a fog machine or who ordered it, but fog is cool, so nobody is complaining either.

Nobody has placed any bets on the potential outcome this year. We learned our lesson last year.

It seemed like a good idea when we started (it always does). Dr. Dawg had finally calibrated the Accelerated Clock Manipulation Express time travel device (ACME). We thought it would be an easy thing (we always do) to jump forward a couple of weeks and see who won the "big game."

Bob, from Corporate Communications "volunteered" to go. Bravely, chin up, with a winning smile on his heroic face Bob climbed in the the machine, and in a flash he was gone, and with a loud crack, followed by a slight sizzling sound, a little smoke from escaping form the collar of his blazer, he was back.

"Detroit won the Super Bowl," he said, "By seventeen points. The final score was 38 to 21."

We grabbed the phone, called our bookie, and said "we would like to bet $123,017.93* on Detroit to win the Super Bowl."

A silence on the other end, followed by a laugh, followed by a muffled comment, followed by more laughter, followed by "Detroit isn't in the Super Bowl."

"Oh. OK. We will call you back."

Turns out the future is not a static event, With infinite variables, and possibilities the time stream could flow to countless possible occurrences. Bob went back, forward, again, Flash, crack, sizzle, and said "Oakland wins the Super Bowl, by 3 points, 31 to 28."  The sizzling sound was coming from Bob. This time we had to throw a bucket of Gatorade on him, it ruined his tie, and he was furious.

We checked the paper and Oakland wasn't in the Super Bowl in our "temporal stream."

There didn't seem to be any point in trying to find the right future. Bob might explode with another trip, and nobody else wanted to "volunteer," so we decided to buy scratchers instead. We won $235.00 by the way.

We are working on a method to control all the variables and manipulate the future before the next Super Bowl, We just need a little more computational muscle, maybe some powered by fusion, what could go wrong.

So, if you aren't busy on Sunday, and want to stop by to catch the big game, we will be here. Chips, dips, wings, breadsticks, and buckets full of drinks. Keep an eye open for the Life Explained Super Bowl Commercial. We love it, it kills us!

*It was all we could get from the company funded retirement account.