Dr. Dawg was sitting in his cramped office. Tumbler of cheap bourbon on his desk, shade from his fedora covering the steely, absolute fix of resolute determination in his eyes. Smoke from his cheap cigar wreathing his face in angelic looking, toxic, stinking fog. He took a big puff, and coughed so hard he fell out of the wooden chair. Remembering he didn't smoke he threw the smoldering, noxious thing in the day old coffee sitting on his scarred, ancient desk.
He climbed back in the chair, wobbling and twisting because of the missing caster. Took a drink of bourbon, and started gasping for breath, "cheap crap, anyway, he managed to spit out between shakes and convulsions.
Finally he stumbled over and got a drink of water from the bowl he kept on the floor, by his food. Which, conveniently was in a bowl, on the floor. He thought about what a wonderful system this was.
With a mighty crash the door to his small, cramped, dingy office slammed open, the logo Dr. Dawg Private Investigator Life Explained stood in bright contrast to the squalid, dank air of the room. He thought "I need to put in one of those springy door stops that scares the crap out of me every time."
In walked Bil, an employee of Life Explained for the last 15 years. "I'd like to report a theft." He said, sitting down, and watching Dr. Dawg finish the last of the food in the bowl, on the floor.
After a drink of water, Dr. Dawg took his seat, and said "what was stolen?"
"Someone took my pizza out of the refrigerator. It was my lunch." He said, his voice breaking with anger, sorrow, and hunger.
"We had pizza?!?!??"
"No, I had pizza, and it was good, too. It was, admittedly, a long time ago. Right after I started. Since I was new I didn't want to make a big fuss. But it has always kind of bugged me. One of my coworkers stole my pizza, and ate it." A tear formed in the corner of his eye.
"Tell me about the pizza.." Dr Dawg said. His eyes intense under the rim of his fedora.
"Well, it was deep dish, from Montoni's on Garfield Street." Bil said.
"On man, those are so good, almost criminal. What were the toppings? Tell me about the toppings."
"It was a supreme, with extra bacon, and olives, and I had them add some of that spicy Italian sausage, you know the stuff with pesto. Plus, they used cheddar and mozzarella cheese back then, and extra jalapenos. I had some fresh ground parmesan cheese, and garlic butter for the crust, man I was really looking forward to lunch." Bil said, sorrow, and remorse evident on his face.
Dr. Dawg moaned softly, his eyes closed and he fell out of his chair. Jumping up he said, "sorry, sorry about that. I think we will need to call in a specialist for this job." He dialed the phone.
That is when I got involved, I'm Tim the Refrigerated Leftover Forensic Anthropologist. I track down lunch stealing thugs and bring them to justice.
To Be Continued.
Friday, April 15, 2016
Life Explains Cold Case Part 1.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.