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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Saving Jeff hits a regulatory entanglement. Or Part 8 of the struggle.

In what is rapidly becoming an excuse to not have an idea for a new post I have added Part 8. So, read 'em and weep, or sob, cry tears of anguish, and pain, I will leave the decision to you, the poor, long suffering readers of my blog. I would like to say a special thanks to +Mike Raven  for adding the delightful Part 7. It was wonderful, but, Jeff is going to be a little unhappy about the hole in his elbow

(If you haven't read all of the epic Saving Jeff series, don't delay, read now so you don't spoil this episode - part 1part 2part 3part 4part 5Part 6, and Part 7)

Bob started dozing softly. His head nodding to the left, and a slight whistle coming from his nose.  Using his right hand he scratched at his ear, and his eye. We all stared, we didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't that.

"Should we wake him?" I asked, nobody answered.

Bob stirred, opened his eyes, and asked, "did you hear that?"

Lionel, the technician operating the video/audio feed, slid a knob on an impossibly complicated looking piece of equipment. Out of the hundreds of little slider knobs he picked the correct one, and slid it all the way to the top. Secretly, we were impressed, though, we felt, at least some of us, that either Lionel was lucky, or all of the little knobs did the exact same thing and we had spent way too much on that little contraption.

Starting softly, gently, building quickly, crashing off the equipment, and bouncing off the walls in the small, cramped, crowded room were the sounds of Little Richard singing "Long Tall Sally."

Lionel acted quickly and turned down the volume, and I am pretty certain he used a different little knob. Note to self, Fire Lionel, that little showoff.

William stood up and asked "are we in the wrong movie?"

He pulled out his script and said, "crap, I'm in the wrong scene." and hustled Stage Left.

In walked Delores. Delores was the most attractive woman in the whole company. Tall, blond flowing hair, statuesque, she was gorgeous. But, beauty is only skin deep, and inside she was as mean as a high school math teacher on a Red Bull binge.

Here is a gratuitous picture of the only mower
I have that is still running, as a reminder how
angry I am at Sears for turning their back on
a loyal customer.
One time, at a company holiday party, Donnie from accounting had tried to kiss her. He had a little mistletoe on a stick, and when he put it over her head and leaned in to give her one on the lips she hit him right in the mouth. The force of the punch knocked two of his teeth loose, and made him so loopy he fell in the punch bowl. If Delores hadn't picked him up and threw him through a wall he probably would have drowned.

Anyway, when Delores walked in with her "illegal body and a dress that is too tight,"* we all looked away. And nobody said anything.

Until Bob said. "I see trouble brewing." And on the monitor was a line of boats stretched out as far as vision allowed.

And a haunting voice came over the monitor. "Please take off your shoes, and belts. and leave your bags in the little bins provided." Jeff had developed a serious case of TSA.





*Thank you, Michael Stanley band.