Soon we are going to vacation in North Carolina. My wife wants to spend time on the beach. I am terrified of water. I am not that excited. Also, I am not a big fan of being bitten by a shark. Which is a concern when you are splashing around in the ocean.
Appealing to her logic I pointed out that people could drown. She was unimpressed. Explaining that being bitten by a shark would increase the likelihood of drowning quite a bit, she was even less impressed. She is clearly made of pretty stern material.
And it is clear I am going to end up in North Carolina (suggested motto; Hurry, the sharks are hungry and we don't want them to eat us).* But, I am not going in blind.
I found a website that tracks shark bites. They plot these occurrences on a map. To the right is the portion of the map that represents North Carolina. I added the blood red vignette. It seemed to drive home the point.
Further, I did a little research on how to avoid being bitten by a shark.
Rule 1. Don't act like food when in the water.
While researching ways to avoid a shark bite I came across a story about a shark caught off the coast of Louisiana that had a Nebraska license plate in it's stomach. This tells us two things;
A. The license plate is the hardest part of the car to digest.
B. Sharks will eat anything. Everything looks like food to a shark.**
With that in mind I revised Avoid Being Bitten by a Shark Rule 1.
It now reads;
Rule 1. Don't get in the ocean.
So if the shark is coming to get me he will need to be lurking in the shower, or maybe the hot tub.
If you are interested in keeping track of shark bites, (and who isn't?) they have a fine Facebook Page, and a great website.
And if you are interested in my vacation stay tuned. I will be providing updates, and fielding questions about staying safe in a hospitable environment.
* To anybody from North Carolina who might be reading this I am very excited to visit your fine state, and not worried about sharks at all. Or at least not very much. In fact I may have accidentally visited your beautiful state once when we took a wrong turn coming out of Gatlinburg TN. But, I am not sure where we ended up. It wasn't Pigeon Forge, though. It was beautiful, though. Thank you for your time, I will see you soon.
** And a Labrador, go figure.
Thursday, June 16, 2016
The Coming of Vacation
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.