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Friday, September 2, 2016

If it isn't one thing, it is bats.

Shortly after I got to work this morning one of my co-workers came up to me and said "there is a bird flying around in here." This is not unusual, it is an old building and somehow birds seem to be able to infiltrate the perimeter at will.

Here is the bad bit, though. As I watched the intruder float around the building I realized my co-worker was woefully mistaken.

"A bird, my achin' behind," I said, "that's a bat." 

I'm not sure the severity of the news was clear to her. She is an immigrant from a former Soviet Bloc country and her English, while remarkable for a woman who made so many drastic adjustments, does not always allow for the subtle nuances of American colloquialisms. She went back to work, unfazed by the threat.

I don't have the list of things to worry about in front of me right now. But, bats are certainly on there, Somewhere between Armadillo borne leprosy, and Hantavirus fever from mice. The ranking is close, and it is almost impossible to say where they fall in the list of potential disasters, but they are all high enough to warrant serious concern.

I saw a movie one time where bats ate people. Vampires are closely associated with bats, and that spells trouble. In several cultures bats are considered terrible, frightening, omens of death and carnage I can't remember the names, but you can trust me on this. So, there is a strong case against these winged demons.

When our numbers were sufficient we armed ourselves with several large, sturdy cartons and went to find the little monster. But, he was too cagey, to sly, and had managed to give us the slip. I am sure he is back at his camp, reporting our numbers, tactics, strategies, and disposition. We are only days away from invasion.

Maybe I should find a new job.