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Sunday, September 11, 2016

The walls have eyes


Jester's Log. Mission #4: Evasive Action
You know you're onto something big when when the competition starts spying on you. When you're talking about something as important as deep space colonization, calling them "the competition" is an understatement. Everyone from the federal government to Amazon is dying to get their hands on our teleportation findings in the Life Explained R&D department.

Apparently my hiding in plain sight methodology is failing in terms of maintaining operational secrecy regarding the deep space colonization project. Never would I have imagined that they would find our secret lab hidden in this small town in Midwestern America. Over the past week though, I have identified a number of possible breaches to our security that can only mean we have spies working in and around our super top secret Midwestern satellite office.

The first sign was the appearance of two new Wifi signals operating near our office. Normally this would not be of concern, but the fact that there are no new neighbors and all the existing SSID's are still in operation. The fact that one is labeled "FBI Surveillance Van" and the other "WillConnectForBeer" were dead giveaways.

Clearly the federal government wants in on our technology. Leave it to the FBI to have the naming convention for their SSID be so matter of fact. They have recently proven to be a little off their rocker in terms of investigation techniques and results so they should be pretty easy to keep an eye on.

The WillConnectForBeer signal is a bigger concern though. A lot of thought and planning went into that to remain as common place as possible. They did however make one rookie mistake. Their research on local customs and practices was incomplete. Anyone who has ever lived in the Midwest knows that we would never give up beer for something as inconsequential as an internet connection. I am considering connecting to their network and giving them altered reports to sabotage their surveillance efforts.

Another issue of concern is the voices I have been hearing. I'm not sure how long this has been going on because at first I thought I just had a few new voices in my head. I have grown so accustomed to hearing the voices in my head that I didn't give them a second thought at first. It wasn't until I realized they weren't answering me that I knew it wasn't the normal voices in my head - because they always answer me when I talk to them.

It appears to be frequency interference from wireless bugs in our office. I have yet to determine how the bugs were planted in the first place, but I have a couple of leads I will pursue.

The first is a man that lurks around our front door every weekday morning. He's always wearing an outfit that appears to be government issued and leaves unsolicited paper correspondence in the box next to our front door. The second is a black and white cat that just sits out in front of the building and stares at us all day long. He appears to be a real cat, but I am beginning to think it's an elaborately disguised bug planting robot or he's equipped with wall penetrating video and audio technology.

I have already changed all our passwords from qwerty1 to qwerty2 in an effort to...oh crap...I'm going to  have to change them again, but without telling you this time. Rest assured they will be extremely complex (at least for the minds of us Life Explained employees).

This should be back under control over the course of the next few days. I can only hope not too much of our research has already been compromised. If push comes to shove, I guess we can always bring the time machine out of mothballs and go back in time to nip it in the bud before it started. Until next time....