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Sunday, October 30, 2016

A Day Of Reckoning.

It doesn’t take long for daylight to come along and slap you in the face. Today may be one of those days. It is Sunday, better known as the day before Monday. Traditionally, Sunday is the day when people are the most volatile, needing to cram all of the weekend they can into the fleeting, brief hours left them before Monday comes crashing in, alarm clocks blaring, coffee spilling onto sleeves, lunch bags left on car tops to tumble gracelessly on streets filled with angry commuters who want nothing more than to flatten a helpless lunch.

Last night, on television, there was a movie called “The Purge.” For some reason they let people go completely crazy and kill each other in horrible ways once year. I think it was once a year, and I am not sure what the reasoning was behind the wholesale slaughter, I wasn’t paying that much attention.

Anyway, it seems obvious, to me, anyway, that the Purge had to take place on Sunday, and Monday. It probably starts shortly after breakfast on Sunday, when the realization hits that the weekend is escaping. Which is quickly followed by a mad, homicidal dash to cram a few more things into the rapidly retreating day off.

“Quick, grab the camera and a cooler full of drinks, and snacks, we are headed to the park to have a good time.” Unfortunately, that same cry is being sounded, more or less, across the city. People scramble to clean the table of dishes. Opting, in many cases to throw them in the trash rather than take the time to scrape them clean before loading them in the dishwasher. In a mad dash they head toward the garage, glaring, growling, and snapping like a rabid batch of Tasmanian devils.

“Did you brush your teeth, you little ingrate?” “Just get in the car, daylight’s dying.” “Has anybody seen my asthma inhaler?” “Wait, I forgot to put on pants.”

But, loaded and buckled in they fly toward the zoo, amusement park, reservoir, whatever fun destination they can reach quickly and begin a day of glorious weekend fun.

Suddenly, sadly, the painful realization that everybody in town had the same idea. Streets are packed with cars filled with bickering resentful families, on the verge of civil war. Traffic is at a complete standstill. And that is when the anger takes hold.

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Grabbing his Wilson Six One 95 Pro tennis racket ($199.00 Amazon with free shipping) Dad decides to decapitate the guy in the Nissan Pathfinder in front of his car, which is sitting, and not moving an inch, in front of his car.

Unfortunately, at that very moment Pathfinder Father had decided to smash in the skull of the moron who is just sitting in the Mercedes G Class who has not budged an inch and is right in front of him. He jumps out brandishing his Ping Bubba Deluxe ($3099.00 Golf Discount Warehouse).

In what is turning out to be a disturbing routine, the Mercedes driver is getting out to exact revenge on the Suburban driver.

Soon the street is filled with angry parents, circling each other menacingly, wielding expensive sporting goods. Wives and children begin complicated flanking maneuvers, attempting to encircle the enemies in a crushing pincer. But, every family is occupied in the same fashion. Soon we have a line of families lining both sides of the street, looking like a scene from West Side Story, at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

But, the power of Sunday dinner ends the stalemate, and families move toward their cars, an amoeba like group watching all directions for possible counter attack. Finally making their way home.

“Wow, that was fun, let’s do it again next weekend.”