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Monday, November 28, 2016

Christmas, and the competition is really sizzling.

 It is a sign of the times. There is a show about Christmas light displays. Ostensibly, the most garish, brightest, flashiest celebration of the solemn, profound occasion will win the prize. No, that was just a little joke. It has nothing to do with the birth of a Savior, it is all about Santa Claus, reindeer, and sparkling, glittery snowmen. All synced to a rock and roll beat.

In the first episode the Smiths are doing well, they have 75,000 lights scattered around their house. Santa, 🎅 his sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer perched on the peak of the house, and enough light pollution to call the mother ship here from the Andromeda galaxy. Across town, though, the Ringolds, put Santa, and Frosty on rotating platform, elves twinkling and dancing to Jingle Bell Rock all across the front yard, and fireworks exploding from the chimney🎆 and are looking to grab the lead.

It doesn't look good for the Smiths. Until Mr. Smith's Mother, a kindly, gray octogenarian, with a walker that turns and doubles as a seat, on work release from the Shade of Heaven retirement home, fires a rocket propelled grenade through the living room window. The explosion destroys half of the house, and cuts the power to the carefully placed, meticulously orchestrated lights. And the sound system.

At first the judges are a frozen. But, there was no law against explosive ordnance. There were several provisions for firearms, and light artillery, after the debacle last year with the 75mm mortars, and the raging fire fight in Santa Clara, they had no choice. But, the Smiths had been wise enough to find the loophole. And are now in a solid first place.

Tune in next week when the producers revise the rules. Here is a little spoiler, they forget about tactical nuclear weapons. Say goodbye to Tempe. Including the Phoenix Cardinals, the Suns, and Pizzeria Bianco, which is a real shame.