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Thursday, December 22, 2016

Dreary Holiday

We, here at Life Explained (#lifeexplained) are sorry to announce suspension of the search for intelligent life in the universe.  While it was an exciting, enlightening chase, paying so many benefits in acquired knowledge, and fascinating, useful discoveries, there are too many potential problems.  Since we felt we were so close it is a particularly bitter decision and one made with solemn consideration.  But, there was little choice, considering the many possible results we have no choice but to deep six the whole idea for a while.

Considering how well everybody in the world is getting along we thought it would be a grand idea to try to find some intelligent life on Earth. We started here, at Life Explained (#lifeexplained). Nothing. There was a brief glimmer of hope, in the kitchen. Turned out to be the toaster. A delightful device. It takes ordinary bread, and makes it warm, crispy and delicious. If you take a little butter and some jam it is almost heavenly.

Nothing here. After breakfast (warm, crispy bread) we tried the local grocery store. It was filled with homicidal people. Shopping cart wars. Every aisle was combat. Jingle bells was barely audible over the screams of rage buy the boxed potatoes. We left. Not only was there no intelligent life it looked as if all life there would be extinguished in less than 20 minutes.

The streets were filled with people carrying bags of presents, wrapped in happy, beautiful colors. Glaring, snarling and looking for a fight.

A man dressed as Santa was ringing a bell and standing beside a bucket, attached to a tripod. "Merry
Christmas," he bellowed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, kiss my ass." A well dressed, kindly looking old woman said, holding her middle finger as high as her arthritic arm would allow.

We gave up the search for intelligent life, and went looking for a drink, and solitude. Misery may love company, but disappointment likes to drink alone.