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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Lookout, oh why bother.

Living in a city has many difficulties. Many instances of incredible, profound reminders of the frailty of humanity. Often, I worry for myself, my friends, my family, distant relatives, forgotten acquaintances, strangers walking down the street. I worry for people I will never meet, or see. Hazards are everywhere, we are surrounded by painful, near lethal dangers. I see the signs everywhere.

Today I stopped to get gasoline for my car. Since we buy food, a lot of food, food enough for our sons, who eat like a village, the grocery store gives a discount on our gasoline. I'm not really sure how it works, it might be Reaganomics trickle down theory, I am still at a loss. I just know when my wife says we have money at Kroger I stop and fill up there. 

To activate the discount you have to scan your membership card. They don't want just anybody getting our stuff, after all. There is a little portal into the machine and you scan your card under that and it knows who you are, and probably what you buy, maybe even how much you earn, it might know your hopes and dreams, your darkest fears, what book you are reading, they can put a lot of information in a bar code, you know.

Under the little portal is a sign warning people not to stare into the laser that scans the membership card. You would have to kneel down, push your head against the gas pump, and then wrench your neck around at an awful angle. Maybe that is what they are worried about.  Hordes of people limping around the parking lot, unable to look left or right, moaning in agony, like a scene from "Night of the Living Dead." Which from what I understand was not all that commercially successful.

During my lunchtime strolls downtown I walk past a lot of parking lots. Yes, lots of lots, and I walk past them. Some are public, some private, and some are just threatening. Posted security people, big steel doors, cameras, maybe they are worried about zombies. One in particular concerns me. It is the parking lot for the headquarters of some religious headquarters. 

Clearly, they do not want any unauthorized anybody parking in their lot. Or even trying to walk through as a short cut to the pretzel truck just on the other side of the church, serving the finest sugar/cinnamon soft pretzel in the greater Columbus area*. So they put up this sign, clearly indicating "if you trespass we will crush you." Or, perhaps, since it is a religious organization "we will smite you down." 

All in all life is perilous, terrible, and nobody will be left unscathed, even with our help. 

But, we want to leave you feeling good about your odds, no matter how silly that may be. Here, to that end, is our favorite Shel Silverstein. Our legal department insists we add this disclaimer, we are not responsible for any injuries, illnesses, deaths, divorces or dismemberment's due to foolish attempts to accomplish anything. We just like the poem.

Thank you, the Life Explained staff and management.

*Man, they are good, but don't take the risk, just walk around.