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Saturday, March 11, 2017

Time, my inconsistent friend.

Tomorrow Daylight Savings begins, or ends, or changes. Here is what you do, go through your house today, and change everything, clocks, coffee makers, microwaves. Then, after realizing you went the wrong way change it back and start all over again, only to realize most of them were either tied to the world wide web and updated themselves or had never been changed from the last little government mind control trick, and will finally be right. Since this will take most of the day I recommend Jet’s Pizza for dinner. The best pizza in the Northeast Corner of Columbus. Since they are so good at pizza you sometimes have to forgive a small amount of inconsistent customer service.

Of course, that still leaves the little problem of learning not to add or subtract one hour from which device. Somehow, it seems as though the CIA could take care of all that. Since, they are hacked into everything anyway. And I wish they would tell me when I grab different color socks, or leave the tag on my shirt, or forget to comb my hair. It would save me a lot of humiliation. And hours of trying figure out what time it is. And the trauma of laying awake at night doubting, worrying, facing the silent inner turmoil “is the coffee pot set correctly? Will there be fresh, hot coffee when the alarm clock finally ends my suffering?” Those are demons no man should have to face alone.

But, and you can trust me on this, don’t wake your wife and ask her what she thinks. Because she will tell you. And then time slows to a crawl, and the night takes forever. Time is a funny thing that way, it never seems to take the same amount of space. You need to be prepared for anything.

So, if you have time, tell me about the best time you ever had in the space of three minutes. Or the worst time you ever had in the same space, and how three minutes can drag into days, weeks, an eternity. You know what, just tell me about the good times. We should leave our troubles in the space we left behind us, if you get my meaning.

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