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Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Meet Our New Bracketologist,

We, here at Life Explained, have hired a new bracketologist. For the uninitiated bracketology is study of the structure of the NCAA basketball tournament, make wild, inaccurate predictions about the teams that will populate the places and, from this gooey, sloppy mess of guesswork, devine how far each team will travel along their designated path.

There are few jobs that require so little dedication to being correct and have so few repercussions for error. Maybe congress person, or television meteorologist, but nobody pays any attention to them. The bracketologist, however, is a revered, adored personality whose every word is weighed, recorded, acted upon.

Never more than in March. Printers across America and probably around the world, are whirring, spitting out Brackets. Duplicate sheets, by the dozen, as people try to predict who from the field of 68 will bring home the title.

Until this year this writer was the bracketologist in chief. But, since Nebraska got screwed by the inept, untrained, apprentice clowns on the selection committee and it was impossible to overcome the bitter resentment and boundless rage it seemed like it might be time to abdicate to a fresh new perspective.

In all fairness, it takes a lot of fun out of picking a team to win the championship and have them lose early in the tournament if it isn't a team you love.

Since our previous bracketologist (this writer) has set a new record in wrongness having picked the Cornhuskers to win the title when they are not even in the tournament, we feel he has reached the very mountain top of sports forecasting. It is now time for a fresh approach.

Ladies and gentlemen, children, pets, and visitors from other planets, dimensions, and time periods please say hello to Doctor Dawg, sports authority.