Valentines Day, Dinner and a Movie, Thanks to the Spirit World.

"Hey, good looking, where have you
been all my afterlife?"

Last week was Saint Valentine's Day. A day for grand romantic gestures and overt displays of love and affection, sweet, chocolaty morsels, bouquets of fragrant, flowering beauty. My wife does not want a lot of chocolate, she is worried about the calories and the sugar. So, I got her a Ouija Board game.

A Ouija Board is has the alphabet and numbers 1 through 9, plus the words yes and no, and the
shortcut words of hello and goodbye (for ease of communication) printed on the front. By placing your fingers on the "planchette"  and asking questions you can seek guidance from the spirit world. Nothing says love like the ability to communicate with the dead.

We sat down to find solutions to a few problems we have been struggling with. Mostly they involve what to have for dinner*. It can be a struggle to find the right thing night after night. Week in and week out. An endless parade of meals, pots, pans, dirty dishes, and countless trips to the grocery store. And as soon as you finish washing, drying and putting away the plates from one meal you have to start thinking about the next.

"Dang, that was good. What do you want for dinner* tomorrow night?"

"I don't know. What do you want?"

Every night for almost thirty years. Since we had the Ouija board game anyway, and we didn't really know what to ask this seemed like genius.

Oh my God. Don't ever ask anybody who roamed the earth thousands of years ago about planning a menu. They ate like animals. No wonder everybody died so young. It was better than eating dinner*.

So, we're back to square one. Though we won't be having anything with brain. Tonight we are going to see if the spirits have any advice on evening television, we can never agree on what to watch.

I would like to apologize to President's Day. Life Explained is running a little behind and we should be able to cover the importance of today by Wednesday, Thursday, at the latest.



* Feel free to substitute the word supper here. Some people are very indignant about this. I don't want to step on anybody's toes, so supper, dinner, you can call it evening breakfast, I am fine with them all.

Saint Valentine's Day

As we approach the confectioners, to purchase chocolate covered offerings, the florists to buy flowers, and the stationary store to pick out the appropriately affectionate card for our chosen one, let us not forget the man responsible for all of the love, joy, and romance of the day.

An artist interpretation.
Not the real Saint Valentine.

Let me introduce, Saint Valentine.  A Roman priest from the 3rd century, during the time of Claudius the II (Roman, for Junior) who thought the best soldiers were single men (apparently, Claudius II (Roman for I + I) was never married, if you catch my drift), and banned the marriage of all "young people."  Young was Roman for "able to shove a spear all the way through one of our enemies."  

Valentine, the priest, did not care for this mandate and performed many ceremonies, marrying young people without concern for the silly rules of Claudius II (Roman for III - I).*

Here is where the romantic bit came in, Claudius II (Roman for almost as good as I,but a lot cheaper) for was so moved by this brave, and noble gesture that he ended the siege of the Balkans, freed the slaves and granted Carthage sovereignty.

No, he didn't really do that, Roman emperors were not normally very tolerant of disobedience.  Preferring the blind loyalty that comes with being in charge of the a hideously large empire that even now, hundreds of years later it still is covered in scholarly research, popular art and web logs.  Claudius II (Roman for, "wow, that was kind of overkill) had him beaten, stoned and decapitated. 

Well, at least they are better than Peeps.

Which is why we celebrate Saint Valentine's day, with chocolate, flowers, dinners, dancing, romance and love.  Yeah, I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either.

Anyway, here is the perfect opportunity to mention my wife.  A woman of infinite patience, who has learned to suffer foolishness gladly over the years, and who saved me from an early and bad end, though sometimes I am sure she wonders why she did that.  Thank you, for everything, Happy Valentines Day!

* Yes, I know there are other beliefs about the origin of this day, but it is my blog, after all.