A Tragedy in One Act.

Nostalgia is a funny thing. I remember a time when it seemed, to my limited political IQ, the worst thing I had ever heard a president say was “I am not a crook.” Of course, Nixon did not have Twitter so he had time to think of what his statement should be. And, “I am not a crook” was the best defense he could muster. I kind of miss those days. Days when our president spent time trying to explain that he was better than we thought, those were good days.

Even the days when our president stood in front of the world’s population and threatened "You're either with us or against us in the fight against terror." It had a vaguely Montague, Capulet, or probably closer to a Hatfield, McCoy feel to the statement, and I was personally horrified that a president would say something like that. Even worse when he dragged our country into two wars we had no hope of winning. Sending America’s children to die in foreign lands for suspect reasons, based on flimsy, probably manufactured evidence. But, it almost seems a benign statement today.

Today’s America is run by a playground bully, who maintains a constant stream of abusive, threatening language, via Twitter. He wants to start an unwinnable trade war with our largest trading partner, threats to pull out of a treaty designed to keep atomic weapons from Iran, and spews a constant stream of insults and accusations against our closest neighbor to the south and our third largest trading partner.

And now a tweet aimed at Russia threatening missiles and destruction, all in the name of humanitarian concern. It rings a little hollow in light of his threats to deport, build walls, and block refugees. He is a caring, concerned person as long as it involves missiles, bombs, threats, intimidation and empty rhetoric.

At least, I hope it is empty. Imagine the chaos if we actually start targeting Russian protected sites in the Middle East. It would only be one more mistake in a region with a rich history of pernicious Western decisions. But, it might be the worst one. If you think, even briefly, the Russians would not see this as an act of aggression you are kidding yourself. And if you think, for a second, that Russia would not retaliate then you are a fool.

And, if you don’t think a war between a county with Putin as premier and a country with Trump as president would quickly and irreversibly grow beyond any hope of control or relation to the initial cause then you are lucky. To be that blind in times so perilous and close to the abyss is a blessing.

Some Days are Worse Than Others.

Some days start simply enough, some are more complicated, some just don't ever quite take off. Today is somewhere south of uncomfortable, but just north of painful. It is not too hot, but not cool, kind of clammy but not too humid. It was a slightly sub average day right from the start.

Breakfast was lukewarm oatmeal with soggy granola scattered haphazardly across the top. It seemed to spell out DUM if that is possible. My coffee had grounds, and tasted like tepid garbage.

When I got to work Delores from accounting was waiting to demand answers about a trip to Chicago that I didn't take, in fact I've never been there. Fortunately her inquisition was cut short by an explosion in the parking garage.

People were running down the street, being chased by a monster that had escaped from the blackest pit when the gas line ruptured and tore the floor off the sub basement in the structure. Delores was distracted by the harrowing scene outside as the hideous beast threw cars and buses carelessly across the street.

We stood, Delores and I, transfixed by the carnage and destruction. It was awful. Several units of national guard setup on the corner of 4th and Vine and opened fire. Even behind the glass on the fifth floor the sound of gunfire was overwhelming.

It was slowing the beast down, but it looked bleak for our intrepid guardsmen. They stood their ground valiantly as the demon closed on their position, The rate of fire multiplied but it did not look good.

Suddenly a helicopter gunship flew in from the rising sun and unleashed a hail of air to surface missiles blowing the monster into little pieces, completely covering Bob's Cart O' Breakfast Burritos in smoking flesh. It was an amazing sequence of events.

Delores turned to me and waved a folder in front of my face and said, "I know you went to Chicago, you little Sh#ta$$!" And stormed off.

Doctor Dawg walked by and said "Try to do something about our bandwidth, would you? This is just stupidly slow."

Man, will this day never end?

Life Explains Makes a Movie

Doctor Dawg and I have decided to raise a little extra coin. It is amazing how much cash he pulled in running for president in 2008 and 2012. It is like a license to print money. If you can put together a sentence that makes even a little sense people will line up to write a check. Then there is the food, and drinks, and tickets to sporting events, all gone in a puff of logic. That kind of windfall is hard to replace.

Movies can pull in some serious moolah, though, and we have some experience with explosives, and cameras. At least explosives, most of our experience wasn't good, but, we don't make mistakes, here at Life Explained, Ohio Office, we learn how not to do something.

We were shooting scene one of the Life Explained mega hit, Join The Choir Invisible Hard. Things were going well and somebody ordered real ordnance. Good help is so hard to find. Here is the result.

Now we can either wait until Doctor Dawg is out of the hospital or find a new star. Hey, are you busy, look at those cheekbones, and those eyes, you are a natural.

A Security Issue Delayed.

During the early days of Life Explained, when things were hectic, innovation rampant, excitement, and invention epidemic the principals knew they needed to be careful.  It was an exciting time, but it was balanced by the knowledge that achievement and advancement carried a terrible cost, and invoked an awesome responsibility.

It was vital that the hard won accomplishments not fall into the wrong hands, and it was well known that the "wrong hands" would press hard to acquire the fruits of  their labors.  Knowing that the world was only one break in, one leaked document, one errant email containing crucial information from all of the power needed to end hunger, cure illness, and finally achieve parity in professional sports... wait, that was not what they were afraid of, it was the destruction of the planet that bothered them.  

Nobody minded that other stuff, sure, nobody wanted to just give it away, but, profit is what drives commerce, right?  And commerce is what fuels growth, isn't it?  And growth is what provides the resources necessary for research and development, is that not true?  And research and development is what provides the product needed for profit, you see?  So, making money is truly the greatest act of philanthropy, and that is what the company is built around.

"We'll take two of the large, three mediums
and six of the small ones, please"

It is a sad reality, though, that when they developed the technology to end hunger, eradicate disease, and help society pull itself from the brink of extinction, and approached various world governments with the opportunity to buy this wonderful ability they got the cold shoulder.  World governments all said some variation of, "thanks, that stuff is all good, and someday we would like to look into it a little more, but, do you have anything that will blow up a lot of our enemies?"

Of course, the governments all agreed that they did not want to really blow up a lot of people, they just wanted the "capability" (they all felt the "ability" was too wimpy sounding to be a credible threat) to blow up a lot of their enemies, that way they could lord it over other countries.  Threatening to blow up a lot of people, it turns out, is one of the chief activities of organized government.  Well, back to the drawing board. 

But, that is not what this is about, this is about the Life Explained security personnel fiasco, the abuse of power, and the corruption of humanity.  Unfortunately, we don't have time to cover that today.  Please tune in tomorrow for "Company Cops Gone Wild," or "do you have a valid need to be in this hallway, or shall we turn the fire hose on you?"  You want to be there for that.

Wearable Tech, and the Future.

Working, as we have with, so many diverse technologies, we here, at Life Explained, are in a perfect position to evaluate the potential benefits of the new wearable technology.  We have even launched a line of Life Explained, headgear.  It will be true a multitasking, multimedia mega useful hat.

We introduce, with great pride, the Life Explained, Propeller Beanie, Urban Assault Hat. The ultimate wearable tech available today.

Hooking up to a 5 horsepower, two cycle engine carried in an insulated, sound muffling, asbestos lined back pack, this baby will whip you through the air at an altitude of 150 feet, at a speed of 45 miles an hour.

Equipped with two AGM-65 Maverick Missiles you will be more than prepared to handle pushy, aggressive jay walkers . Pesky door to door salesman a problem?  Neighbors will applaud as you blast their car into pieces too small to sweep up and carry away.

If that were not incentive enough, the twin GAU-8 Avenger 30 MM canister fed machine guns that will help clear the air at the next company picnic.  You won't be waiting in line for the bratwurst, or beer ever again.

Future upgrades will include a radar dish, radio, and a beverage cart.

Buy one for yourself, give one as a gift, heck give one to every member of your family.  You will be a hero, a well armed, lethal, hero, whizzing through the air, dispensing justice, fairness, and, in the near future, a small cup of ginger ale, or cranberry juice.