United we stand, just not too close together.

It is Easter, and that means spring is beginning to put a stranglehold on the Midwest. With all of the pleasant weather, warm comfortable breezes wafting menacingly across the patios and yards. Oh, it looks like we are stuck right in the middle of the insidious creeping pleasantness.

This may not be the best time to remind everyone about the coming catastrophe. Yes, we still have a gang of degenerates crossing the country, making vague threats, boastful, empty promises, and spending money at an alarming rate.

In brutal terms these people are like an invading army, but they are not trying to capture territory. It is more like an indiscriminate crime spree than an occupation. Groups of wild eyed marauders crashing into an area, and hammering the local population with unbelievably extravagant situations, staying long enough to feel that the people have bent to their will. Once this goal has been reached they load up and they are off to the next group victims.

Don't bother to call the local officials, law enforcement won't intercede on your behalf, they are complicit in the invasion. They even offer "protection" to the invaders. In return for "money" and future considerations.

Our advice. Stay inside and turn off the television. Call in sick, or call in well, "I feel too good to come to work." If strangers knock on your door, act like you have a bad cold, a potentially lethal spring cold, just short of Ebola, and sneeze at them often. Pepper in a tissue will work magic. Trust me they won't stick around long.

Oh, and practice enthusiasm, "I love that guy." No matter the candidate. I can sing the praises of either party, with the zeal of a television evangelist through an alkaloid induced sneeze with such righteous enthusiasm that it even embarrasses me.

If we stick together we can get through this, united we stand as long as we stay in our own homes. So, I will see you in a couple of months, comrade.