Busy day, no time to talk, have to run

This is a very busy day here at Life Explained. For one thing, we had a visitor yesterday, and that always causes a log jam, a bottle neck, an unholy waterfall of unfulfilled responsibilities. Everybody spends the day trying to get in on meetings, and bagels, and pastries, nothing gets done. And there is hell to pay.

"We are going on break, be back in ten."

It was a person from our Brooklyn office, I am not sure what they do there. But, I am not sure what we do here most of the time, and I have been here forever. I was born here, I went to school here, right in this building, I met my wife here, not really, but I have been here a long time. So to recap, I am not sure what they do in the Brooklyn office, or in our top secret facility here in beautiful downtown @#@**!&*#. So, it only stands to reason that I don't know what our visitor from Brooklyn was doing here. Maybe he just stopped by for a bagel or two.

It is widely known that our building is haunted, at least I know it, and tell everybody who will listen.
("Hey, this building is haunted.") We have mannequins, several, who knows why, and they move. You can't see them move, or anything, they are smarter than that. One day they will be in the front of the basement, toward the sidewalk, the next they will be in the back, by the alley. Fortunately they have not figured out how to overwrite the security system on the elevator, or  who knows where they would end up. So, maybe he came by to grab some of the undead wandering around the place, a little halloween shopping.

Whatever the reason, it has made Wednesday, normally a pretty decent day around here, a little tense.

If that were not bad enough we have two new hires. All of the training and paperwork. They are in our new Corporate Lackey Department. We are trying to get a big name, deep pocket sponsor for the Life Explained series of blogs. And since they are not exactly beating a path to our door to dump money on our desks we thought we would take the proactive approach of advertising for several companies until one of them paid us to continue, or paid us to stop, it doesn't really matter. So meet Bob, and Bob, from the Life Explained Advertising Program.

Please, sponsor our blogs, Bob, or Bob might have children, we aren't too sure, they are new, after all.

Don't worry, everything is going to be fine, probably.

Halloween is coming. This is a good time for a public service announcement;

If you are seeing ghosts, goblins, vampires, aliens, werewolves, headless horsemen, poltergeists, or presidential candidates don't be alarmed. They are probably only children dressed up as frightening specters of the netherworld. Except, of course, for the presidential candidates who are adults acting like children.

You are probably safe. A good method to test the safety of any situation is to ask your friend to go first. "Hey, Bob, how about checking out that group of deranged looking characters standing on the steps over there."

"Are you insane? That's the school building, and those are teachers! Remember the murderous, maniacal, wretched years we spent in school? I'm not going anywhere near them. Look at them, standing there armed with text books, and homework, pop quizzes, trips to the principals office, detention, and blinding, boundless hatred."*







"Oh yeah, you're right, lets cut through the graveyard, and across the freeway instead."

The lesson to be learned here is there are always alternatives, and sometimes you don't need to sacrifice your friend. But, don't get too close because sometimes the teachers demons can not be avoided.




*I have nothing but respect for teachers, I love them, all of them, even the ones with razor sharp yardsticks and venomous sarcasm, I guess that is all of them.

Summer Time, Magic in the Making!

Yesterday was the summer solstice.  This carries very little importance these days, but it used to be momentous, spiritual, and celebrated.  Now it passes with little notice, and no real celebration.  Summer solstice marks the new season in all of it's warmth, light, growth, and the promise of life, potential.  The joy of yard work, and the smell of fresh cut grass, gardens and the aroma of flowers, the thrill of watching the vegetables, planted by hand,

bear crop.  It is the longest day of the year, and it brings a sure sign of summer, back to school sales.

That's right, folks, time to start getting ready for fall, pencils, pens, notebooks, and expensive caculators so complicated nobody can possibly understand or use them.  All on sale at such ridiculously low prices they will never see equal.  Until the next advertisement, that is.

Also, you might want to stock up on long sleeved shirts, pants, jackets and thermal underwear.  Don't forget to schedule an appointment to winterize your car.  Oh, and stocking hats and gloves, you need to make sure you have those.

While we are at it, don't forget to start buying some candy for Halloween, and now is the time to get a deal on Thanksgiving items (we recommend putting off buying the turkey until the Fourth of July Christmas Sale Extravaganza!).  

Summer, the season of outdoor life, grills, picnics, baseball, and preparation.  

This message was bought to you by the International Association of Stores.  Please buy a bunch,