Another Day, Another Humiliation.

This week our president was reported as having said something awful about impoverished third world countries.  He wondered why there were so many immigrants from these countries facing such awful circumstances. Reportedly he said we need more immigrants from countries that are doing well financially. The implication was we should have immigrants that really have no need to immigrate. 

Maybe we could have our INS agents sneak into wealthier countries and spirit a few of the more successful professionals from select European countries back to the US. Of course, then we can use some people from the other countries, the poor countries, to clean their houses, tend their gardens and make sure they don’t escape back to whatever paradise they were liberated from. 

Of course we will have to alter the wording on the Statue of Liberty, something along the lines of “give us your educated, successful, self-sufficient, or we will come for them.” 

In a surprising display of unity a couple of  republicans rushed to the president’s defense, after a couple of days.

“I was in town that day, and I did not hear the president say that.”  A senator I can’t remember from a state that escapes my memory for the moment.

“When?” The reporter asked.

“When what?” The senator asked, back.

“When didn’t you hear the president call several poor, unfortunate countries a toilet?”  The reporter rolled his eyes toward the heavens for strength.

“At the meeting.” The senator replied.

“Was that the only time he didn’t say it?”

“No, I never, always, didn’t hear him say that.”

“Thanks, we are all out of time.”

“No, thank you,” “No I insist, thank you,” “No, thank you, damnit,” On and on. 

Meanwhile American credibility falls around the world. The president is not welcome in London, the capitol of our staunchest ally. People look to China, Germany, and Russia for stability, and Nero tweets. It was nice while it lasted.

Goodbye James Comey, an Omen.

I read about the firing of the James Comey with a casual indifference. As a private citizen the Director of the FBI is almost invisible to me. This Director certainly was more infamous than most, but, had it not been for a vile, toxic presidential election I probably wouldn't have even known his name.

A quick, incomplete search led me to the surprising conclusion that he was an honorable man. He spent years doing the right thing, at odds with the president at times, he refused to bow. Of course, to my liberal, "leftist" thinking he did at least one odious thing. But, he had a long career, and seemed to be a man of honor, as much as possible in the cesspool of the nations capital.

What really bothers me is the method. Who would do that? Who could do that? How can you justify firing a man in such a cowardly fashion. He learned about his firing on television, while giving a speech to his employees. Is that our vision for making America great again?

There was a belief, and it was widespread, that Trump's managerial acumen would provide a solid foundation for the enormous requirements of presidency. I think, what we witnessed yesterday should lay that myth to rest finally. It is difficult to say how much the man is worth in monetary value, but it is no doubt he is morally bankrupt, it is the only explanation.

We are now stuck with a complete novice driving the boat. He has surrounded himself with people sharing his views almost exactly. He lashes out childishly, impetuously at anybody who questions him, and vengeance seems to be his most compelling motivation. Republican leaders in congress are quiet and complicit. What could go wrong?

"The world is not fair, and often fools, cowards, liars and the selfish hide in high places." Bryant H. McGill

Big Brother House on Pennsylvania Ave.

I didn't watch Apprentice, or Celebrity Apprentice. I don't really watch any of those shows. It is not that I think there is anything wrong with them, they just don't appeal to me.

I can imagine, though, how a typical episode worked. You create friction, infuse it with tension, heighten it with competition and finally resolution. It probably had some hints of subterfuge and espionage, mostly for ornamentation rather than any really substance.

It is the same thing I learned from Ms. Stoltman in Creative Writing so many years ago. You can have as many dogs as you want, but only one bone. It has worked for years, for so many writers. Since I never saw the show I will not pretend to know if they were effective.

President Trump has seemed to take this practice to a nightmarish level. Everything has become a national crisis. We are surrounded by dangers that only he could expose, only he can solve.

North Korea has been a problem for years, and years to everybody in the world. Including, most tragically North Koreans. There is nothing new in the belligerence of Kim Jong 3.2. It is an isolated kingdom wrapped up in paranoia and mistrust. The thing they fear most is losing power, so they bluster and they posture, and they parade, and they threaten. And, they always have.

But, they are not a problem you can solve. You can manage it, like the last dozen or so presidents have. Or you can blow it up, and cause a tragedy of terrible proportions for uncountable people. It is not something you can bully away. Or tweet out of existence.

Most immigrants are just looking for a dream. A dream we have been selling for years, the American Dream, come make a life for yourself, be rewarded for the fruits of your labor. Refugees are normally just the opposite, they are running from a nightmare. Leave home or die, horribly is the choice so many of them face.

But, we package them as a scourge, a blight on our society, and we can manufacture a solution. It is so much simpler than facing the problem. Inequity, and destruction do not sell on prime time.

Now, we have reality television in the oval office. And it works a lot better if you take the complexity out of the equation, and package it as an easy solution. It works for television, but it hasn't translated very well to coherent national policy. I hope season two is better.

Well, that was easy.

In many ways Donald Trump's appeal is obvious. He has, through a series of tweets,angry speeches and absent minded interviews absolved Americans from all responsibility.  Nothing is our fault. Recessions, high prices, unemployment, all caused by the currency machinations of foreign governments or unfair trade agreements, or manipulative Canadian dairy farmers. But, we are not to blame. And he is going to come in and save us all. Through tweets, missile attacks, bluster, bully and bravado he is going to right all of the wrongs. 

The ultimate welfare state, just sit back and Papa Trump will make everything right again. Don't worry, all the jobs are coming back, coal will be dug, and burned, West Virginia will be saved. Automobiles will roll off assembly lines, Detroit will be saved. And you won't have to do a thing.

In one magic tweet he will cut taxes, increase defense spending, reign in North Korea and bring peace to the Middle East. All while strengthening the values of the American people. Without any help from you, you just take it easy, you have been through enough already.

Health care, you won't need health care, the President will make sure you don't get sick. It is all that clean air and fresh water that the EPA has been pushing down everybody's throat that's making everybody sick. That will not be a problem anymore, the Pres will see to that. You don't need to lift a finger.

All of this time everybody thought it would take hard work and industry to reach the next level of American industry, to carve out the passage to the next page of history but it was as easy as electing a game show host. Who knew? I will make some popcorn, you bring the drinks and we can watch it together.

We're back, We missed you.

We, here at Life Explained, have decided to branch out a little. Stretching the limits of credibility. Everybody knows this is the best place in the world to get Alternative Facts. We have been providing alternative facts for years. We have never really been too concerned with other, more reputable sources diving into our pool once in a while. Even the most reputable members of the press probably get tired of just reporting the facts. Blah, blah, blah, ad infinitum. How dull.

Since fair is fair, after all, we have been going into their world. And taking some of their band width, maybe, if that makes any sense. Anyway, we are branching out into the world of... the places where... we have been taking... anyway we have decided to see if anybody with normal sensibilities would let us invade their world for a while.

So, we have been writing, feverishly, in this case, considering the likely delusional nature of the narrative, which is probably similar to the ramblings of a malaria victim. Further we have been submitting them to dozens of places, sites, magazines, any place looking for a few words strung together. 

So far we have had a couple accepted. One is right here (Wow, this is genius), another is due out in April. Which we will come back to boast shamelessly about when it hits the streets.

Mostly, if any of you haven't noticed, we have been a little lax about writing our normal nonsense. We have been writing our normal nonsense, just sending it our into the real world, to see if it can stand on its own.  

Don't fear, though, we have been keeping an eye on the situation, all the situations, everywhere, and have good news.

President Trump just hired a new Presidential Science Adviser. 

Better Luck Next Month.

It is a short trip, in the scheme of things, Mars is only a day trip compared to some places, and it behooves us, here at Life Explained, to make the trip. We have the space shuttle, thanks in large part to a short trip to Tennessee, and a shaky chain of command, and a peculiarly open Purchase Order system. It is kind of complicated, and has never been fully explained. Kind of like life.

But, as the leading applied technology company in the known universe we feel a crushing responsibility to our stakeholders, to the public at large and to the future generations who depend on us to make sure science is advanced at the proper pace, and there is still a safe place to live.

So, we reverse engineered the space shuttle, (named Space Shuttle Future Profits, we have strong faith in the theory of self fulfilling prophecies) built some larger transport ships to carry building supplies, food, drinks, video equipment, extra clothing, and various stuff that may be needed. Nobody really knows much about establishing a colony on Mars, we want to be prepared. As an interesting side note we did manage to stow three cases of wine, one Merlot, one Sauvignon Blanc, and one Strawberry Farms Grape Explosion. Everybody should be covered until we can start producing our own.

Everything was loaded, and the twenty four hour countdown was proceeding nicely. Go, no go, was all go. Until somebody put a bumper sticker, "Hillary for Pres." And then somebody covered it with a "Trump the man with the Plan." Then somebody covered that with a "Trump is an idiot." which was soon covered with "Hillary should be in jail, orange is her new black," covered with "Trump should be in a Zoo, locked in a cage and fed with a stick."

Pretty soon all three shuttles were covered with the most awful insults, slanderous accusations of questionable intelligence and moral bankruptcy. Since this is a family friendly blog we won't go into details. Every surface was covered, windows, delicate electric components, instructional signs all buried under the most atrocious, vile charges of corruption and ineptitude imaginable.

Naturally, we had to scrap the mission until after the election. We will bail for the scientists, engineers and gaffers out of jail, by then we should have the transports cleaned, and ready to go. I just hope we can still get at the wine.

Who won the debate, It was me.

Everybody knows I am not very politically involved. I know people who are and they are always pretty bitter. From what I have seen the choice of elected officials is almost wholly unrelated to the life of the average person. Probably to those above average, or even those who fall below the "average" mark.

Politicians are almost universally repugnant, and in my opinion, are the standard bearers for "the below average crowd." I don't think they are evil, or ignorant, but they have something, some genetic defect, some mental aberration causing them to seek the spotlight, and take abuse and criticism all while knowing they are powerless to change anything. Moreover, they are willing to say almost anything to for the privilege.

Obviously, I don't often watch the debates. Last night I made the mistake of changing to the program. It was a "town hall" style debate  where the "moderators" could pretend that people had asked questions, and the candidates are given two minutes to answer. It is addictive, once you tune in you cannot look away.

After watching for a while I was struck by one overriding, powerful concern. How can two minutes last that long? It took forever! Bob Dylan's famous line came to mind, "the next sixty seconds could be like an eternity."

"Madam Secretary, we have a question from a D. Trump. He would like to know how you intend to email ISIS out of existence?"

"Good question, I would like to get to the bottom of this once and for ever..." and forty five minutes later she is still talking about Putin, hackers, and presidential demeanor.

"Mr. Trump, we have a question from a B. Clinton, and he would like to know about your tax returns for the past 10 years?"

"I would bomb ISIS, and anybody else, anywhere, Let me tell you something, something big, something important about ISIS, it was Obama, and Al Gore who created the Climate Change Myth, so they could invest in China, who created ISIS to buy Chinese goods..." and it went on and on.

Two questions later, my coffee maker (set for 4:45 AM) started brewing the life giving elixir. My wife got up and said, "so, what did you learn?"

"I don't know, but I have a great idea for sci-fi movie. It just came to me, about 3:00 this morning." It is getting kind of fuzzy now, I probably should have written it down. No worries, there is another debate coming.

A Journey, A Discovery

Last night was the presidential debate. I didn't watch it. Having spent the better part of the day driving back from the glorious Smoky Mountains in Eastern Tennessee the thought of watching these two candidates try to claim they could be president was more than I could handle.

Our drive was painless, quick and uneventful. Mostly thanks to the Interstate Highway System that slices across our country.  During a business management class in college an instructor claimed that it was the "defense grid." Designed mostly to rush troops and material to the coasts. A theory that makes sense looking at the times. Though it matters very little why they were initially built. They are wonderful ways to travel.

It was such an amazing accomplishment, such a marvel of engineering, and determination. When you view this feat and think of the state of our nation today you can't help be saddened by the loss. Driving under rusting, crumbling overpasses, through neglected stretches of buckling, failing highways it is impossible not to feel some shame. We have lost our ability to achieve. We elect the people most accomplished at pointing fingers and placing blame.

Little regard is given to lofty ideals, and dreams. In fact, candidates are loathe to make any declarations of intended achievements. There are too many people who are willing to say it will never work.

I am a liberal, mostly because the lies they tell while campaigning more closely match the way I feel governments should behave. But to drive a country this far into despair this quickly takes both parties. It takes two party inertia, and an ability to neglect any sense of responsibility to the people served to fall this far this quickly.

So, skipping the debate, and watching reruns made more sense. I may do the same for the election.

The Future is Here.

Undecided Voter, We Can Help, Decide to Stay Home

There has been a lot of talk lately about this years presidential campaign. Many people are taking sides based on what little they know about a candidate. Most times, if they know something about either of these candidates they quickly choose the other. Unfortunately, once our intrepid voter is safely settled in the camp of the chosen candidate glaring truths come to light, and the once undecided voter, who chose a candidate, becoming a decided voter, is once again adrift in indecision and doubt.

This years crop of undecided voters is bountiful. A record setting number of people who think "Why bother?" This election has people thinking "I wouldn't vote for either of these buffoons with your ballot." People are disgusted, the lies, the accusations, the innuendo, the boastful, vain, sophomoric behavior. Even some lobbyists are taking their money and investing in Powerball, considering it the only sane option.

What do all of these people, these poor lost souls, wandering around the election cycle, scared, confused, unsure what to do with their vote have in common? They all need my help.

That's right, folks, I have not voted in so many elections I am a role model for the disenfranchised.  I am uniquely qualified to help people with the process of election apathy. In 1980 I didn't help Reagan become president. Nor was I any use to him in 1984. Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, I am beholden to none of them.* None of them was my choice. If you hate any of them, well don't come crying to me.

I will teach people how to react when confronted with the "if you don't vote, you can't complain" argument, as well as the "what if everybody felt that way?" puzzler. I can teach them how to deal with acolytes armed with pamphlets, pushy door to door canvassers. and how to shake hands and agree with representatives of either party with equal fervor.

Remember, here at the Life Explained School of Voter Disinterest our motto is "hey don't blame us, you voted for the moron. Even if your moron didn't win." Enroll now, while there are still seats available, the first debate is liable to swamp the facility.

* I did vote in a few of those elections, and am still racked with guilt, even when my candidate lost.

Friday the 13th,. Enjoy your lunch, while you can.

Today is Friday the 13th, and I am a little superstitious, maybe a lot. So this day is always a little troubling for me. Many people think the origin of the the Friday the 13th is steeped in religion, and I suppose there may be something to that, others think it might be tied to the Knights Templar and the accusation of heresy by King Philip IX (4 or 6, or 9 or 11 or ix, I'm not sure). Which might have some truth. I think the scientific evidence is overwhelming. 

Here is a little known fact. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were all born on Friday the 13th. Oh sure they had their birth certificates doctored to hide the fact. Why did they do that? Because of this little fact no person born on Friday the 13th has ever been elected president, of anything, anywhere. How is that for a "Coincidence"?

The Alien Invasion of 2011 started on Friday the 13th...  Wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you about that. Just strike this paragraph from memory please.

The manufacturing facility that made Twinkies closed its doors on Friday the 13th. I don't need to say anymore about that.

The Roman Empire collapsed on a Friday the 13th. They ran out of money, and sent everybody home. Oh sure, revisionist historians who want to sell books will tell you big, fancy stories about a slow, painful implosion due to atrophy, lethargy, and the gradual decline of discipline. But, it was just an accounting decision, pure and simple, and it happened on the thirteenth. Odd, huh.

I could go on and on, I'm not proud, or tired. But, I am hungry, and I want to get upstairs and eat my lunch before somebody steals it. Most lunch related larceny happens on a Friday the 13th. I have a pie chart to prove it.

Choice 2016, not much, though.

While reading "And the Ass Saw an Angel*" by Nick Cave there was a paragraph that was so beautifully written and so troubling in content I had to read it aloud to my wife. It was when Euchrid entered the abandoned church and found the ruined interior.

"O God!" ah thought, sickened by the sight, "what have they done to your house?" But there came no reply —for, clearly, God didn't live there anymore. Looted, desecrated, vandalized, befouled—the church had been trashed and an abomination was upon everything. All the gold and glory—gone. The stench of all that's foul and human hung heavy in the air—air that once had been fragrant with incense. The floor was covered in garbage—a sea of open tins and empty bottles, all murky green and brown.

She asked me what I thought Nick Cave felt about God. I told her from what I could tell from his music and his book he seemed devout enough, and had no trouble with the Lord above, but he had no faith in mankind.  Perhaps I just read my own sentiment into Mr. Cave's words. Humanity is untrustworthy, deceitful, and manipulative.

Politicians are the worst of the lot. Sometimes I can bring myself to vote for one of them, but not often, and certainly not comfortably. Which is why I follow, with great delight, The Washington Post Fact Checker, reading gleefully when the lies and misrepresentations of politicos are exposed. It is a source of great joy.

If the Fact Checker were to grade on a curve Donald Trump would make the others seem honest, as least as honest as they can be without ruining their status as people. He piles up the "Pinocchios" with astonishing speed and amazing regularity. It seems he will say almost anything, and often does. Meet the new age of campaign rhetoric.

Paul Ryan said he would not back Trump for president unless he was more willing to embrace established Republican positions, and they agreed to a meeting. What does Speaker Ryan think he is going to hear? What magic beans will Nominee Trump have to trade for the Speakers support?

Even if Trump were to come to the meeting and espouse everything Romney and Ryan touted in 2012 why would anyone believe a word? If, after the meeting, Ryan heartily endorses Trump, beating the bushes for the Donald, would that spell the end of his career, the end of his beloved Ayn Rand experiment? What does anybody have to gain from this meeting? Trump is the nominee, Ryan is the spokesperson of the new inclusive movement of Republican party how do they hope to reconcile that?

Either way, the election is shaping up to be a mudslinging slugfest of unparalleled proportions, a months long drama of billionaires swinging their purses at each other over and over again until the American public reaches a fever pitch, and a full 45 to 67 percent of us vote. I'll see you on the other side, my friends.

A tale of two candidates. Or Fear of Flying.

For several years there was a program about a poor man, with little education, who had been a petty criminal trying to turn his life around. He was obsessed by a belief in Karma, and felt the need to make amends for all the bad things he had done. "My Name Is Earl," was about a man and his brother living in a cheap hotel and working on repairing the path they had laid to waste.

On one episode they were flying to Mexico. Being poor, and unsophisticated they had never been on a plane before. When the flight attendant went through the pre-flight instructions (about emergency evacuations, water landings, all of the wonderful things) to the passengers Earl became increasingly agitated. Finally, he jumped up and ran off the plane, stopping just long enough to tell the Flight Attendant "here's a little tip for you, next time tell some stories about what to do if the plane doesn't crash."

This may be why Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are enjoying such unexpected success. They are espousing ideas that involve moving forward. Taking steps to improve things, make life better for people. What they are going to do to keep the plane flying.

Too many politicians are saying things about their first day in office they are going to rescind this order, denounce a treaty, undo an official act. In essence telling the constituents, the plane is already on doomed, put your tray table up, and be grateful you have a little time to make amends.

Or, they may rely on the old tactic of pointing out how their opponent has made a mess of things, and could only be expected to do worse with more power. Sort of the Peter Principle Political Variety. Elected to their level of incompetence, and down goes the plane, please put your head on your lap and weep softly.

Sanders and Trump maybe promising things that make little sense, or have any chance of succeeding, but they are proclaiming their commitment to action. Even if you think "there is no way that guy is qualified to fly this plane" it is nice to hear someone say they have ideas about keeping the heavier than air, coffin like projectile in the air.

Hold On, it's going to get rough!

They probably have no chance at all of being elected, high hopes and popularity will only take you so far. Particularly when the political parties are marshaling their forces to encircle and crush the wayward candidates. There is a lot of power in the major party forces and they will have no problem wielding their might.

But, it has been fun hearing stories about what to do when the plane doesn't crash.