Decisions, decisions,

Recently I wrote a post about choices, and the way they can effect every thing that happens for the rest of your life. Even simple choices can have a profound impact on your future. Everything you say, or do can alter the course of your life in ways too complicated to understand. Certainly too complex to explain. It is a mind boggling map of branching, forking roads, and each choice leads to more decisions, twisting, turning for all eternity, or at least until the last choice is made, and you can rest.

Personally, I can't take that kind of pressure. Just think, each decision leads to a different path. Even inconsequential options, what to have for dinner, which socks to wear, drink coffee, or tea, all under the crushing weight of an uncertain future. Every simple thing started to take on immense proportions. I had to get a handle on this, fast.

My first thought was the power of Tarot. Divining whether to choose the onion rings or the fried zucchini by spreading the cards, and reading the message. Seeing the future through the combinations of characters arrayed on the table. I'm sure there has to be a Tarot for Dummies. Maybe even a Tarot app.

What if, and this is possible, unlikely, but possible, the cards and my limited amount of supernatural ability allowed the deck to control the future, not just predict the best outcome of wearing the red Nebraska Cornhusker visor, or the black Louisville Cardinal visor. What if I set in motion the ultimate release of demons so hideous they make Congress look good? What if I allow the destruction of the world?

Tarot is out.

Dice was quickly eliminated when my wife threw them away at the restaurant while I was trying to decide between whole wheat and rye, after choosing between Swiss, cheddar, provolone, pepper jack or American cheese. But before we got to the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, hot peppers, and spinach. Like she didn't have an extra twenty minutes (or so) to spare to possibly alter our lives in immeasurable ways.

In the end I decided to ask Siri for the best choice. But she quit talking to me, shortly after lunch and the coffee versus tea dilemma. So, I am on my own, taking my life in my hands at every intersection, every unopened door, who knows what is waiting on the other side?  But, when my time comes I will go, screaming at the injustice, the unfairness, the all too soon end to a wonderful short existence. Or I will turn around and go the other way, I just don't know.

Choices

Life is a series of choices. Each affecting the next. One decision with branches too diverse and numerous to imagine. Every "fork in the road" leading to another choice. There is no way to be certain where you would be right now if you had made a different option in any of hundreds of seemingly inconsequential choices in your life. Everything you do affects everything that follows. Alternatively, everything might be predetermined, destiny driven, scripted, nothing left to chance. How boring that makes things.

It seems much more exciting to pull up to the stop light, just as it switches from green to yellow, and think should I hurry? Should I speed through? If I do, I might get a ticket, my insurance rates will go up, It will be more difficult to buy groceries, our kids will go hungry, eventually we will have to sneak over to the Metro Park and hunt turkey, squirrel and rabbit, maybe take a few picnic baskets. But, if I don't get pulled over then I can get home before my wife, and I will have the power to decide what we have for dinner.

But, if everything is predetermined, mapped out ahead of time by fate, or God, or the programming skills of some long dead alien race then dinner has already been decided, taco Tuesday is not just a saying but a law. That isn't much fun. Who wants to live like that?

Existence is much more tolerable if you can view every decision as a dangerous gamble. Should I cut the blue wire, or the green wire? A full throttle thrill ride, every menu option a potential descent into the abyss. Or the one move that will vault you into greatness, fame, fortune and anything you want for dinner. The unbridled thrill of eating your dessert first.

That, my friends, is the way life should be lived. Fast and loose, risky, foolish and fun. Coffee or tea, because it could make all the difference in the world.

Choosing Is Hard, Let Us Do It For You.

Life is a long trip down a difficult path, and there are a lot of choices to be made.  Each decision has consequences.  Most times, though, those are hidden, and it is only after the path has been chosen does the payment come due.  It is really an awful way to live.  

Meeting the what seems to be the perfect person, dating, proposing, or being proposed to, brings joy, there is no time things have looked brighter, or happier.  Turns out your spouse seems to have the disposition of the antichrist, and the personal hygiene of a skunk, but the contract has been signed, anointed by God, and approved by the state.  Being married to a person you can't stand makes a person angry, and less concerned about cleanliness. Dang, that was a bad choice.  

A dream job appears, chasing it consumes a person.  A resume filled with lies, and false achievements, dreamy accomplishments, and fictional duties and responsibilities, who wouldn't hire that person?  But, all of those skills are needed for this position, it is demanding and beyond the scope of the applicant, turning the boss into a hateful, loathsome caricature of a human.  Incomplete responsibilities, unmet expectations and a slothful performance can have that effect on a person.  But, leaving the last job burned too many bridges, and this is life for a while, bad idea.

Walking blindly through life is frightening.  Knowing that mistakes are going to be made is probably not much reassurance.  We here at Life Explained are here to help.

Welcome to the Life Explained University.  Where, for the small fee of $25.00 a month (17 Celsius), we will teach you to make decisions based on The Scientific Principle of Absolute Certainty.   Please, examine the chart below about making the decision to buy a dog.

Should I buy a dog?

Of course this is a very simple option, much easier than deciding whether you should run for President, for example.  We can help you make that choice.  I think we all know who needs our help with that choice, don't we?  Give us a call, of course it will be a little more than the $25.00 fee, but, it is a tough choice, one that requires a lot of circles, boxes, and lines.

You see, presidential hopefuls come to us for help deciding if they should run, if they have any brains at all, which is not a requirement for public office.  You could use our help, too.  In fact, looking at your Facebook page, you should enroll, quickly.  Before it is too late.

Time and Space.

One of my friends recently suggested starting a movement.  She would like to simplify life.  There are too many choices, and we are constantly being bombarded with the responsibility of decision.  "Paper, or plastic?"  No thank you!  "Would you like fries with that?"  Did I order fries?   "Next day shipping, two day delivery, slow, interminable wait?"  Look, I'll just come pick it up. "Cash or credit?" Just keep it."  Life has become a maze of confusing speculation, freighted claims, and, meaningless options.  She would like it to end.

In the perfect world she feels this would be replaced, 

By this.

And, really she has a point.  We need to simplify things.  Keeping that thought firmly in mind, this is the beginning of the manifesto of the "Occupy Main Street" Movement.  It needs a little work, I am but a humble blogger, and not wise in the ways of manifesto creation and editing.

She doesn't want more she wants less.  Why tie up all of that time reading menus at a restaurant, they should just serve you the one thing they make, "Welcome to Ted's House o' Meatloaf, we make Meatloaf" (just sit down and eat, it could be waiting for you), think of the minutes saved, all of the tormented anguish deciding between the sea bass and the orange roughy gone, replaced by speedy, comfortable contentment.

One television channel would help couples avoid a lot of bitter, heated, rancorous debate.  Weekends are sports, weekdays, talk shows, and evenings some combination of reality, situation comedy with dramatic overtones all designed to appease every taste, without any hope of succeeding.  "What do you want to watch?" would be replaced by "why bother!"

In fact, lets go one step further, who needs three dimensions, two is plenty.  People would have the choice of width, height, or, depth, wait, what am I saying, this is anarchy.  We might need to elect a new spokespers...whoa, this might be a lot harder than originally thought.

Anyway, if you have had enough with all of the constant badgering by ruthless counter people, inquisitive customer service representatives, and prying, nosy sales people join us in our fight.  Particularly if you have some experience in the field of manifesto generation.  It is no longer a choice.