Safety in Numbers, If Arnold and John are there

Last weekend I watched 2012 and End of Days. Two movies about potential civilization ending disasters. Both with different origins, different approaches, and different endings.

2012 was about the Mayan prediction of a great change in that year. Some people claimed it would be the apocalypse, others said it might have to do with Hostess' decision to stop making Twinkies.  I'm not really sure. In the movie John Cusack used his wits, sparkling personality, charm, and connections to con his way on to one of the modern day arks designed and built to save mankind.

When I was growing up all the kids in my school were fascinated by the European 7. I wasn't really sure why they all thought this was so cool. And I had no idea why the Europeans had to add a line to their seven. My sister and brother-in-law lived in Germany at the time. So, I asked them, and they said that it was because they used the symbol we use for 7 to represent the number 4.

Which leads me to believe that if the Europeans who are not so different than the Americans had to use a different 4, and a different 7, who knows what the ancient Mayans had going on. Maybe they used a metric system for the passage of time, and God knows nobody in the United States would ever be able to figure that out, not even John Cusack. Or, perhaps, they (the ancient Mayans, not the Europeans) did not take leap year into account. A quick calculation, where I take the period in which the ancient Mayans lived, and subtract that number from the present year, and divide that number by four, and then add that total to 2012, which would... no, I need to take the number and divide it by 365 for total days in the year and then add that... Look, it doesn't matter, maybe the ancient Mayans didn't actually mean 2012, maybe they meant 2019. My point is don't assume things are going to all right. Until I can find a Mayan and get to the bottom of this. Best bet is to keep close track of John Cusack.

End of Days was about the biblical prediction of the apocalypse, I believe it was in the book of Revelation, Arnold Schwarzenegger foiled the plot. Or maybe it wasn't quite so cut and dry, because I don't really remember a lot of the symbolism from what I had always been taught was the final chapter. Either way it pitted the Terminator against the Prince of Darkness with the fate of the world in the balance, I think, Looking back, I'm not really sure they ever claimed the world would end. But, the implication was there. Of course Arnold won, and we all breathed a great sigh of relief, even though we would have bet on him. Remember what he did to the Predator.

For now, though the world is safe, we have lowered the Life Explained Threat Level to Boring Brown, which we all know is PMS-4655 (or PMS-4715, those things are almost impossible to read) on the Pantone scale. And indicates you can safely go about your life.

McWhopper, McNo McWay. McMaybe

We, here at Life Explained, have been guilty of trying all sorts of bizarre things. We were the first to try aging whiskey in space. The whiskey never made it back, and that space capsule had several dents, and needed a thorough cleaning, thank goodness we only sent 4 bottles. We tried cloning a sheep, and ended up with Scotland declaring war on Ireland (that took a while to straighten out). Obviously, we are no stranger to unique experimentation. But. the McWhopper, that is going too far.

Burger King and McDonald's are bitter enemies, and any collaboration between them would be an abomination. It would be similar to ordering a big plate of gasoline and a cup of fire. Nobody would do that. They don't mix.

In most neighborhoods with both franchises the police have to increase security patrols to keep the counter people from hijacking the customers trying to enter the opponents building. They have actually been known to exchange small arms fire between peak times. There are even rumors of mortar fire, with the potential for bigger artillery pieces, but only for the most profitable franchises.

One night, as I was driving home the Burger King and Ronald McDonald were actually fighting in the parking lot of Taco Bell, whose spokesperson at the time was a small Chihuahua dog. Poor little dog could do nothing except yap incessantly at the clowns rolling around on the pavement. Fortunately Colonel Sanders had an squad of infantry men in the area, who managed to break it up, before either were seriously injured.

Many historians believe the feud goes back to ancient times, when both were plying their wares in carts around Pre-Christian Rome. It was the origin of gladiatorial games, the king and the clown would fight to the death outside the coliseum. People stood and cheered, nobody went inside to see the show. Everybody enjoyed it so much they institutionalized the battle, and added lions. It was quite a scene, I wasn't there mind you, but I have read a little.

Now they might work together, this is biblical, end of days stuff here, my friends. We need to take a stand, "Say No To The McWhopper!"  Unless they use pepperjack cheese and maybe throw on an onion ring that would be great, and they have to ditch the secret sauce, then maybe we can talk. Hey, is it lunchtime yet?