McWhopper, McNo McWay. McMaybe

We, here at Life Explained, have been guilty of trying all sorts of bizarre things. We were the first to try aging whiskey in space. The whiskey never made it back, and that space capsule had several dents, and needed a thorough cleaning, thank goodness we only sent 4 bottles. We tried cloning a sheep, and ended up with Scotland declaring war on Ireland (that took a while to straighten out). Obviously, we are no stranger to unique experimentation. But. the McWhopper, that is going too far.

Burger King and McDonald's are bitter enemies, and any collaboration between them would be an abomination. It would be similar to ordering a big plate of gasoline and a cup of fire. Nobody would do that. They don't mix.

In most neighborhoods with both franchises the police have to increase security patrols to keep the counter people from hijacking the customers trying to enter the opponents building. They have actually been known to exchange small arms fire between peak times. There are even rumors of mortar fire, with the potential for bigger artillery pieces, but only for the most profitable franchises.

One night, as I was driving home the Burger King and Ronald McDonald were actually fighting in the parking lot of Taco Bell, whose spokesperson at the time was a small Chihuahua dog. Poor little dog could do nothing except yap incessantly at the clowns rolling around on the pavement. Fortunately Colonel Sanders had an squad of infantry men in the area, who managed to break it up, before either were seriously injured.

Many historians believe the feud goes back to ancient times, when both were plying their wares in carts around Pre-Christian Rome. It was the origin of gladiatorial games, the king and the clown would fight to the death outside the coliseum. People stood and cheered, nobody went inside to see the show. Everybody enjoyed it so much they institutionalized the battle, and added lions. It was quite a scene, I wasn't there mind you, but I have read a little.

Now they might work together, this is biblical, end of days stuff here, my friends. We need to take a stand, "Say No To The McWhopper!"  Unless they use pepperjack cheese and maybe throw on an onion ring that would be great, and they have to ditch the secret sauce, then maybe we can talk. Hey, is it lunchtime yet?

Breaking News,

Gene Simmons, bass player for Kiss, has rushed to the defense of the wealthy.  Claiming inclusion into the long persecuted minority, Gene Simmons has taken a stand.  No longer will people malign and mistreat those who are unfortunate enough to be ridiculously wealthy.

Mr. Simmons claims that "50% of the US population pays no taxes at all."  A remarkable feat, given the breadth of taxes assessed by various branches of government.  In Ohio, for example, to better distribute the tax burden among the citizenry our Governor is working to reduce the state income tax, and increased the sales tax, and imposing the tax on services, which were previously exempt.  Try to get out of that tax, you filthy 50%, we have your number.  And it is 5.75%, on almost everything, including haircuts, and legal advice.

However, Mr. Simmons would like it known that the much maligned, and terribly put upon 1%, of which he claims to be a member in good standing, "provides all of the jobs for everybody else," and we should "try being nice to a rich person."  Indeed, Mr. Simmons.  Next time a rich person is unfortunate enough to find himself in line next to me at Taco Bell, I will buy him a Crunch Wrap Gordito, even if it is not happy hour, I will pay full price.  I hope it is Gene Simmons, imagine tacos with a wealthy bass player.  Facebook, here we come.

I would be willing to settle for Bill Gates, or Warren Buffett, but will pass on Donald Trump, his hair looks even worse than mine, and that might be more than a poor, Taco Bell worker, who owes so much to Gene Simmons, should have to endure.

If you see a wealthy person, give them a hug, and thank them, we owe them so much.