An Absence

“The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not neccesary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” Joseph Conrad.

I haven’t blogged much lately, and for that I apologize, or apologize for this post, depending on your view of this blog. I have been consumed with writing a novel. I recommend writing a novel, it has been more fun than I would have ever predicted, ever understood. People keep popping up demanding to be added. Come on in, the more the merrier.

As I have stated, ad nauseum, I write a column for the Wild Word, just kind of stumbled across it. It has been a thrill, a columnist, me, go figure. I also have started writing a fictional serial under an assumed name. It is based loosely on my life, very loosely. I really thought it would be an opportunity to roast friends, family, coworkers. But, it never really worked out that way. For one thing I don’t want to say a lot of bad things about people. It just doesn’t seem right. I just can’t burn that hot very long, it is too hard on me. And, I have enough stupidity in my past and present I don’t want to give anybody a reason to talk about that time I had a few too many beers and spilled a whole bowl of guacamole on their sister. Not that that ever happened. So, I just have fun, kind of like with my blog. Everybody walks away happy, but not too happy.

People who have been reading my blog for any length of time understand my complete obsession with talking dogs, messages from the ancient past in portraits, under coffee cups, in microwaved macaroni (I’m not sure I’ve worked that one in yet, so you still have something to look forward to). It is part of how I explain life, there has to be a reason for all of the inexplicable things, and I like to think it isn’t all our fault (not you and me, of course, mankind in general). Anyway, I have really reigned myself in while writing my monthly column, and my fictional serial. This would probably be shocking news to the editors of the publications. 

I know Joseph Conrad was right, we don’t need to find anything supernatural to explain the world, but it makes me feel better. I don’t like to think we are responsible for all of the evil, all of the stupidity, both the unintentional and that which is planned with a malice and malevolence that should scare us all. 

So, in my novel, which is based loosely on my fictional serial, which, as discussed earlier, is based loosely (very loosely, though the protagonist is much more reasonable, and definitely more independent) on my life I have decided to add a few of the things I love. In this case it will be divine (sort of) guidance. I can’t really say anymore than that, you will have to buy the book, and besides I haven’t got all the details figured out. It will be great, though. If there is one thing I can write about it is the absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, I am a blogger, and I wanted to write a blog post, so here you go. A blog post, with my apologies

Ok, this is not new.

It is Friday, and my the results of my blood tests are back from the doctor's office, and there was, and I quote, "good improvement" on my serum cholesterol level, and my ALT (whatever that is).  Amazing what wonders can be had by a change of diet and taking your medicine.  So, that made me happy.

On the way to work this morning, Siri was particularly cooperative, playing a variety of wonderful selections, ending with "I Ain't Got You," by the Yardbirds, timing it perfectly, it ended as I backed into the parking space, and it was a superb job of backing in, if I do say so myself, straight, and just far enough, really an amazing show of parking prowess.  

"I got a tavern, and a liquor store,
I play the numbers, yeah four forty four,
I got a mojo, yeah don't you know,
I'm all dressed up with no place to go."

Plus, my cousin  +Michael McNeil , Mike the Attractive is what he is called in local lore, in a spasm of familial generosity has invited me to participate in his Fantasy football league.  So, things are looking good, and in the spirit of giving I have decided to share my old Fantasy Football post again, if you hated it then wait until you read it now.  Besides this will give me an opportunity to work on my video production skills, there is much riding on the "Video Production DeathMatch" between +Mike Raven and me, well not really all that much, but it matters little, winning is winning, right?

So, here you go, enjoy, or I will post another dog video.

My younger cousin Mike, who has some sort of milk shake obsession, (a complex, yet treatable, affliction: we need to act, Life Explained fans, to end this horrible disease, we are accepting donations now, please give generously to this noble cause) asked me to join his Fantasy Football league.  It was an act of kindness and generosity so noble and pure as to make a grown man weep.   But, there is no time for that, we are talking fantasy football here.

Acting quickly, as is my norm, I assembled one of the finest teams to ever take the field.  I filled both lines with Trolls and Orcs, man those guys are big, and mean, plus they are not above taking a cheap shot in the scrum that develops on running plays up the middle.

At fullback we had a dwarf, tough, resilient, unafraid to get his nose out of joint in dive plays, and short yardage situations.  Also, the ax is a real bonus when pass blocking.

Tailbacks, receivers and defensive backs were all elves, tall, lithe, athletic and fast.  Elves have great hands, can change direction quickly, and can make "magic" catches.  They are hard to beat.

Our linebackers were all vampires, fast, agile, aggressive and hostile.  They scared the bejesus out of opponents, and teammates, and coaches, and fans, vendors, office staff, grounds crew.  They were really frightening, but nobody wanted to be the one to tell them they were being traded.

Here was the real genius, though, we put a Wizard at quarterback!  Not just any wizard either, a powerful, steely eyed, resolute mage, unshakable, unflappable, almost un-sackable, a quick learner, able to control the huddle and make the right audibles at the line.  Kind of a father figure to the whole team, and able to conjure up a cooler full of beer on a whim.

It was a solid team, and we could go far, if we took it one game at a time, and gave 110 % and didn't overlook anybody, and all of those other things that a team needs to do to have a successful season.

Man, we cruised, too.  Running right over the top of the Lions, and the Bears, and the Panthers, and the Broncos, (we even made an unscheduled stop to stomp on the Tigers, even though they are a baseball team, we hate animals) destroying the Cowboys, and the Redskins, and the Vikings.  The Eagles, and their high flying antics gave us a few problems, at first, but as soon as we scattered fish all over the field it was over, stupid birds.

Nobody could handle our mix of speed, strength, and horrifying undead awfulness.  We were a team of destiny.

Then we had to face the Giants in the Championship game.  They crushed us.  Still, it was a good season, next year we might try to draft a little more size.

Thanks for the invitation, Mike.