An adventure in mediocrity.

Driving down the freeways of America is a great way to find out a little about yourself.  Without all of the life and civilization intruding into a trip you have time to look inward.  

This unique opportunity for introspection, this chance to examine what is important is so hard to find in today's hyperconnected, constantly plugged in world. Each of us carries ideas, thoughts, dreams, constantly bubbling subcutaneously.  Percolating, flowing, ebbing and waning, waiting to break through. Aching to be discovered. On this trip, for example, an idea came bounding through. Popping out, demanding action. 

I sprang from a packing stupor and downloaded an ecard app (appygraph, if you are interested, and for a free app it is remarkably flexible). I am going to use it to document the trip through the heartland.  I am going to post a progress report on Facebook.

I am not an artistic photographer, my hands shake too much, and my impatience, and haste force me to rush the shot, so I am going to pass the beauty and take pictures of the more ordinary. Figuring it is best to leave the beautiful, spectacular vistas, and gorgeous scenes filled with color, contrast, and all of those important artistic elements to those steady handed, rock solid, keen eyed photo geeks with their expensive cameras and multiple lenses, apertures and focal lengths walking around with bags, and straps, and light meters, acting as though they have some sort of spiritual attachment to the simple practice of pointing a machine at an object and pushing a button, like that takes some divine, instinctive talent… Oops.

Anyway, I will focus on the more average, more typical snapshots of Americana. It will be Postcards From the Mundane.  A series, by Life Explained.

At some point it will become an award winning documentary with musical accompaniment by an artist to be named later.  But, you will not to wait that long, get on the band wagon while there is still room, and the ticket price is still reasonable.

Please join us on our travels here, Our Home on Facebook.

A day in the life.

I have decided to document my life, in photos. When out and about on one of the many adventures that fill an average Life Explained day I will snap photos of things I see then post them here.

To the right are some artificial flowers from an exciting, action packed trip to Taco Bell, where we ordered off the dollar menu.  My wife and I ordered off the dollar menu, anyway.  My son had something called the steak doubledilla.  It cost quite a bit, but it was big, and came in its own box.  It was highly recommended by his friend, who should know quite a bit about food, he works at Donato's Pizza.

And here is a photo from my fun filled joy ride of an adventure to Target to buy some bottled water.  My wife gave me very specific instructions.  Buy six cases of Aquafina, it is on sale.  And, she gave me a coupon, still attached to the advertisement that would trigger an award of a five dollar gift card.  She even binder clipped a gift card to the ad, right by the coupon. I swear she thinks of me as a child.  Hey, I can take care of things, I am a grown man.

The lines were not long, and I waited my turn, patiently, I am an adult, after all. When it was my turn I walked, briskly, efficiently, calmly, in complete control, up to the register.

WHAT?  She didn't clip the coupon.  Now, I would have to tear it off, trying not to rip it in half, in front of the whole store, this was madness!  But, the young man at the register scanned the coupon, and took care of everything, before I could even start to panic, too much.  He handed me my gift card, my receipt, my new gift card, smiled reassuringly and thanked me.

I told him "wow, that was amazing, you were like a machine! That was so fast, and easy."  He thanked me, and I went to the food counter to buy a Coke and a bag of popcorn, which is kind of a ritual and my son was thought we should, so we did.

I have a theory, when you have free refills it demands a certain level of gluttony.  So, I said to my son, "here, give that glass before you put on the lid."  And I was drinking some, maybe a lot.

While I was enjoying my long, delicious drink somebody touched my shoulder from behind and said "sir, can I talk to you."  It scared the bejezus out of me.  I thought for sure they were going to make me pay for another Coke, and my mind was scrambling for a reason to drink extra pop (or soda, or cola, or whatever).  She asked me about the young man at the register, and I said he was great.  In my relief at not being harassed about my sudden, overpowering, unquenchable thirst I started talking a little too fast, and a little too much.  Fortunately I managed to stop short of telling her how much I hate shopping at Target.  I am a rock.

Then it hit me, my life is pretty dull, and considering how quickly I fly into full blown, half crazed agitation, and frenzy it is probably a good thing.  So I have decided to chronicle my life in pictures and make them seem more interesting than they are.  On the right is a picture of the artificial flowers at Taco Bell re-enacting the battle of  Anzio.  And it was pretty convincing too.  On the right is a picture of aliens getting ready to attack Target, Wal-Mart was too crowded, I guess.

Curse you, hackers.

We, here at Life Explained, are embarrassed to report that one of our Cloud accounts has been hacked, and there were numerous compromising photos and videos stolen and leaked to various unscrupulous media outlets.  Of course, the truly embarrassing part was when all of the photos and videos were returned, unused.

It seems no one is interested in a group of middle aged scientists, engineers, and their assistants no matter how provocative.  Even the video taken in the kitchen after the "Great Chocolate Cake" fiasco.  It is a big mistake to allow a bunch of sheltered, fiber loving, low carb, low sugar, healthy eaters to indulge in big cups of strong coffee and large slabs of birthday cake with delicious, sugary icing layered in inches.

For about forty five minutes it was like the wild west in there.  Scientists bickering about the best way to slice a cake, wrestling over the who got part of the cake with the frosting flowers, (they had precisely calculated how much more frosting was in one rose) threatening each other with the jagged ends of broken laboratory beakers, bawdy jokes involving interns and the theory of relativity.  Then came the crash.  They dropped like lead bricks, all over the kitchen, draped over chairs, laying on tables, faces buried on plates that had been licked clean.   After that we started spiking the water supply with small amounts of sugar to build up some tolerance.

Not a real football player, or coach

In unrelated news, we, here at Life Explained, are still seeking a celebrity spokesperson, having been snubbed by our first two choices, we are now going to approach Oklahoma State Football Coach, and former quarterback, Mike Gundy.  A man who is comfortable in front of a microphone, and in front of a large crowd.  We were thinking about asking the Duke basketball coach, but we have no idea how to spell his last name.

Good news, life explained on Flickr

Recently, I received an email from Flickr saying they were giving users a terabyte of storage.  Wow, what a thrill.  I couldn't wait to start snapping photos, uploading little moments of life, frozen in time, immortalized.  A small gift to the future.  When my sons get older they are going to be thrilled, I reasoned.  It was such a significant, important, momentous occurrence I shared it, with everyone.

My wife said, "oh, that's nice."  My kids said, "yeah, whatever dad."  My coworkers just asked if I had seen their coffee cup, water bottle, or note pad.  The guy who was fortunate enough to be using the other side of the gas pump at Speedway when I fueled my car was very animated and passionate, gesturing wildly with his hands and pumping his fist in the air while saying "that is great, fantastic," over and over again.  But, when I tried to go into the finer points of my "plan o' posterity" he turned, (that is when I noticed the blue tooth ear piece) got in his car and drove away.  It was kind of an honor that he had shared my remarkable good fortune and fantastic idea with his phone companion.



It is not enough to have a great idea (Lord knows I have thousands of them popping into my head at all times) implementation is critical.  It is foolish to begin a job without the proper tools, so for my birthday I asked for and received this wonderful zoom lens for my iPhone.  What better way to capture some of those moments that are a little distant?  Other than walking over and taking the picture, of course.  No need for locomotion when you have this bad boy, a 8x Black Telephoto Manual Focus Telescopic Camera Lens with Tripod.  A memory can be cherished from the comfort of your lawn chair, you don't even need to put down your beer.

Nothing is more annoying than looking at all of those pictures with names like "img 422513."  No description, no names, nothing, just a picture.  t..  With a blue tooth sliding keyboard this is a breeze.  It makes adding long, informative descriptive paragraphs fun.  Yes, a picture is worth a 1,000 words, but, a little back story doesn't hurt.  Now my pictures are worth at least 1,075 words and sometime they top 1,100 words.


Well, I have to run.  I have photos to take and share with a world starved for good news.  Look for me on flickr.com you will know it is me when you see the detailed explanation of each photo.

Maybe We Should Just Stay Indoors.

Here at Life, Explained we are willing to make any sacrifice necessary to keep you safe in a world filled with danger.  We would be willing to travel to the ends of the world, but thanks to our friend, Susan, we only had to open our Facebook page to find this latest threat to mankind, and we can do that while relaxing in our easy chair, in our slippers, without risk, in climate controlled comfort, if only our wife would bring us another cup of coffee, then we could really get some work done.

From the USA Today, 

A fisherman in Belarus was bitten to death by a beaver, and all he was doing was trying to take its picture, Sky News reports. The man spotted the beaver while fishing with friends at Lake Shestakov, but as he approached to take a photograph, the beaver bit him on the thigh. The animal managed to sever an artery, and his friends couldn't stop the blood flow.

Sky News helpfully reminds us that beavers can, of course, bite through trees. Beaver attacks are rare, though, and when they do occur, rabid beavers are generally to blame (as in the 2012 attack in upstate New York)  But just this week, a video was posted on YouTube showing a beaver going after a Russian man, reports the Telegraph, and two girls were seriously injured after being mauled by a beaver in Virginia last year.

When traveling, or fishing, always remember, that while wild animals may appear cute and cuddly and photogenic as all hell, they are just waiting for a chance to sever an artery, and seal your fate, punch your ticket to the great hereafter, leave you sleeping with fishes (who are out to get you too, coincidentally), send you to the great wildlife refuge in the sky, all dues paid.  Don't let that furry, fuzzy facade fool you, these are vicious, violent, demented, dangerous, destructive demons bent on destroying all mankind and laying claim to the entire planet as the kingdom of the animals....  Oops, sorry about that, we are just so worried about our brothers and sisters in the family of man that we get carried away sometimes.  

The point is, always ask your friend to take the picture for you, that is what friends are for.