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Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Clean Slate.

A Clean Slate.

There comes a time to move on, to leave the comforts of accepted routine and stumble into the present.  It is never easy, and often it is painful.  Whether it is ever worth the effort is anybodies guess, but, when the time comes it is impossible to ignore.

Possibly, life will drop little hints maybe the company where you work will install a porta-potty in your parking space.  If you notice your desk chair has been plugged into an electrical outlet and there is a puddle of water under your desk, you might want to polish the old resume.

But, don’t be discouraged.  If you are old, tired, irritable, have no marketable skills except for age, exhaustion, and irritation you will still be fine, if you present yourself correctly.  For the sake of all that is holy don’t put “old, tired and irritable,” under hobbies.  Instead under strengths say, “experienced, thorough, and driven to demand perfection.”  Now, people are starting to take notice.

But, don’t stop there.  You know that gig working in a gas station when you were a kid.  Don’t say, “Worked at a gas station when I was a kid,” under experience.  Instead say “Integral member of multi national petroleum consortium, while still in high school.”  Of course, don’t mention that you were in high school for 8 years.  And you didn’t “stock shelves, and pump gas,” nothing so skimpy and limited for you.  You “provided the means for the growth of a community and its citizenry, giving sustenance to the masses and keeping the wheels of commerce rolling.”  Now, you are starting to look good.

Let’s move on to education.  Nobody cares that you dropped out of high school, couldn’t get into the army and can barely write your name.  People want to know about your “post graduate studies in the medical pathology field.”  Hey, you did learn to dig a grave using just a shovel, and your supervisor always said you had the “squarest corners in the whole cemetery.”  That should get you somewhere, am I right?!?

Don’t despair, better times are coming, and there is hope around every corner.  Life is your breakfast buffet.  Are you going to settle for pancakes and sausage or are you going for the omelet with Swiss cheese, mushrooms, and a touch of Canadian Bacon, (also known as American Ham) topped with crushed bacon bits, and just a small ladle of hollandaise sauce and a whole carafe of coffee.  The choice is yours.  But, if you get the pancakes make sure you don’t use the butter, it has been out for days.