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Monday, June 10, 2013

The Dental Games.

It is that time again, that dreadful, awful, cursed time, again.  Today, I have a dental appointment.  Oh, it is only a "routine" cleaning, and a "checkup."  But, it is also summer, which means it is almost vacation time for the dental practice.  This spells big trouble, because somebody needs to pay for the plane tickets to some exotic, expensive place.  Here is my plan, after the hygienist is finished and the doctor walks in, before he can wash his hands and flip down his face guard I am going to strike.

"So, Doc, any big plans for the summer?"  I will call him Doc, it is a psychological ploy to put him at ease, lower his guard, assure him that we are friends, and we can talk, like friends, about our vacation plans.  I would call him Johnny, but his name is Frederick, and it might make him angry, and the last thing you want is an angry dentist digging around in your mouth.  If you had ever met my dentist you would know that Freddy is right out of the question.  Doc is probably as familiar as I should push it.  Trust me.  (Kings Pawn to Kings Pawn 4, the classic Chechnov Opening. Careful, but aggressive)

He will look at the x-rays, briefly and look at his hands, and say something like "oh, we are going to Jerusalem, and spend a week, then on the way back we are going to stop in Spain to catch a bull fight, maybe swing by London and have some fish and chips, nothing spectacular, we're trying to save a little money so we can go into space with Richard Branson.  Thanks, for asking, Tim."  (He advances his Queens Knight to Queens Bishop 3, looking for an opening)

Here is where I will deploy Plan A.

"Wow, Doc, that sounds like a root canal, and a new crown, doesn't it?"  He will be stunned that I have seen through his little gambit.  He will look at his hygienist and then glance at the rubber gloves, hanging loosely in his hands.  Unsure how to proceed, at a loss for the next move.  (He thinks about advancing his queen, but instead makes a wasted pawn move Kings rooks pawn ahead one, then lays down, a little worried)

Then I will move my Queens Rook to Kings Bishop Seven.  "Let's cut to the chase doc, a root canal is going to cost my insurance company and me about $1200.00 (mostly me) and it will run you upward of $75.00, right?"  Check!!!!

"Well, Tim, you, I, we, maybe..."  He will stammer, his eyes beginning to glaze, his breathing is rapid and shallow, he is not used to being on defense, and it scares him.

"Here is what I am going to do for you, doc, (please, note the lower case d, just to show him who has the upper hand now), I am going to write you a check for five hundred simoleans and you are going to run along and find yourself a new patsy."  Queen take Kings Knight, Check Mate!!!!

"Oh, and I would like the late appointment next time, if you don't mind, thanks.  See you guys in six months."

Now, that is a plan, I can't wait to go see my MD next month.  He will need the blood pressure medicine when that check up is over.