Alarming News.

This just in;  It seems, due to the cut backs caused by sequestration, and the furloughs generously provided by the good folks in Washington DC (suggested motto, "Cooperation, compromise, sure as soon as I get my way") a top secret, military laboratory, somewhere in Southern California was being guarded by the hope that people were really honest, deep down inside.  Maybe, maybe not, but it is obvious that "Huge Alien Spiders" are not, as exposed in the new documentary "Big Ass  Spider" soon to be released, to a fearful nation.

This little fellow here busted out, at the first opportunity, and laid waste to Los Angeles, which has had it's share of problems ever since the Rams left for Kansas City, and the Raiders left for Oakland, even though the Raiders left Oakland to come to Los Angeles in the first place, so leaving and going to Oakland is kind of a misrepresentation of the facts, really, they were just kind of visiting, almost a probationary thing.  And who can blame them for wanting to go, considering the the enormous alien spider keeping, top secret, military laboratories in the area.  Not exactly a source of civic pride.





Then, there is the awful Los Angeles traffic, which is not improved by the addition of a gargantuan Spider.  We don't know the traffic laws that prevailed on the spider's home world, but it is obvious he is not the most courteous commuter.  Smashing cars, and knocking over buildings clearly contributes to gridlock.  According to Art Shell, who coached the Raiders for most of their time in Los Angeles, "man driving through that town and avoiding a Giant Alien Spider would just be awful.  I'm glad we left when we did.  Darn government shutdown anyway.  Of course, if it ate a few of those skateboarders, that wouldn't be so bad, they were everywhere."

Week three of the shutdown, and it is easy to see the geometric progression of the problems, elected officials pointing fingers and talking endlessly on television, pundits explaining who is "impacted" by the shut down, interviews, endless commentary, decreased services for the electorate, and giant spiders ravaging metropolitan areas.  A congressional insider who requested anonymity told Life Explained "these kinds of problems are not limited to the City of Angels, either.  There are politicians everywhere, you poor, unfortunates."