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Monday, October 7, 2013

Dateline: Washington DC

In surprise news from the capital elected officials did nothing to solve the deadlock, end the government shutdown, or even ameliorate the anxiety caused by the sequester cuts.

Meetings are not scheduled, phone calls are not planned, emails are un-typed, and progress is not being made in a dramatic fashion.  In unrelated news several large conference rooms are available for rent, cheap, in the capitol building.  "Hey, we're not using them, and they would be great for weddings, bar mitzvahs, or family reunions, " one elected official (who would only identify himself as "crazy Bob, the Capitol's Best Realtor) said "but, you will need to clean them yourselves, all of the janitors are furloughed."

"We were elected to lead this great nation," one congress person told us, anonymously, "and that is what we are doing.  Don't blame us if it looks a little silly from the outside.  Hey, I was a dentist, before being elected, and there were no classes in national governance, and finance, international cooperation, or consensus building among disparate ideologies in dental school, and nobody gave us any directions when we got here (in fact they were kind of sanctimonious jerks).  We are just kind of winging it.  They all think it is so easy, maybe they should try it once in a while.  Ingrate constituents, anyway.  I tell you this is like pulling teeth."

The forecast for today, expect torrential downpours of pointing fingers, flurries of childish, petulant behavior and gusts of complete disregard for responsibility.

Tune in tomorrow, when I will predict (within 2 points) the winner and the point spread of tonight's NFL game between two teams, whose names escape me for the moment.  I think it is the Millionaires vs the Filthy Rich. but I will investigate further.