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Friday, October 25, 2013

Goals, Milestones, and Conquering Life.

I have a friend, (actually, I have several, well maybe not several, but a few, depending on how you define few, as long as you go with "at least some but indeterminately small in number," then yes, I do have a few friends.  Why do you ask?  Oh sorry, you didn't ) who recently finished a tube of Chapstick, entirely.  This seemed significant to him, and he posted it proudly on his Facebook page.

To me, this was shocking.  What an accomplishment, he didn't lose it, leave it in his pocket and wash it.  It didn't melt on the center console of his car, and drip defiantly and permanently on the carpet.  Way to go, Ryan.

What makes this so surprising is the amount of determination it would take to finish a tube of Chapstick.  It would require a bulldog like determination, zen like patience and an unfailing memory.

Every time he picked up groceries he had to stand in line for the cashier and ignore all of the shiny, new, colorful tubes of Chapstick, just calling out to him with their sirens song of smooth, "chapless" lips.  "Hey, big boy, check out my flavor, mango, strawberry banana."  With the patience of Job, he walked through the valley of temptation.  You are the man, Ryan.

Whenever the beginnings of dry, cracking, chapped lips began calling, and he could sense the impending discomfort he had to use his Sherlock Holmes like sleuthing skills and find that one, small tube of Chapstick in the vast, cluttered junkyard universe of modern life.  Ryan, the organizational behemoth.

Plus, he had to stick with the nostalgic, plain, average Chapstick, no Burt's Bees, Nivea, or Eco Lips for our intrepid hero.  As Darrell Royal used to say, "when you get to the big dance at the end of the year you dance with the one that brung you."  So, I raise my whiskey glass and give you a toast, for kickin' it old school and dancing with that Chapstick, Ryan.

Right now you are saying, "yeah, big deal, he finished a tube of Chapstick, who cares?!?!"  But, let's think for a minute.  Loyalty, determination, thriftiness, are these not the very virtues that make this country great?

Chapstick Man of the Century
So next time someone says to you, "Americans don't have the stomach to see things through to the
end.  They are soft, and not willing to finish things they start, they are unwilling to face difficult situations and unable to compete in today's global market," I want you to whip out an 8 x 10 autographed photograph of Ryan and his empty Chapstick tube, (available in the Life Explained Mega Store) and say "what about this, Mr. (or Ms.) Naysayer?  What about Ryan?"

An exasperated, frustrated nation thanks you, Ryan, you are an inspiration, and we here at Life Explained salute you.