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Sunday, December 22, 2013

Saved some money, but it might have been a mistake.

Business is pretty good these days.  But, there were some lean years, sales were slow, money was tight, and as a company we were scrambling for ways to stay afloat.  We tried turning down the heat, dimming the lights, and people were asked to wait until there were several passengers before using the elevator, kind of a car pool lane for the lift.  Briefly, there were talks about not providing coffee, but hey, we are not animals.

One of the suggestions floated was to hire illegal aliens, they work cheap, they labor night and day, and are dedicated, fearless, single minded beings bent on self preservation.

Things were going well.   We had a real sweat shop thing going, a facility full of laborers, toiling night and day, without break, for laughably low wages.  Things were beginning to look up.

Sure, a few people vanished, unexpectedly, without a trace, but that is part of running a company, right?  But, when that monstrous, little beast broke out of Bob's, the Head of Human Resources, chest at the weekly staff meeting.  Just popped right out, scampered across the table and vanished down the stair well, and into the janitor's closet, and none of us were going in there, it is dusty, messy and smells of disinfectant.

No one really liked the Human Resource guy, anyway, always going on about "labor laws," and "compensation," and "employee benefits," but when that slimy little thing ran through a dozen of the local bakery's finest ruining every donut that was too much.  Chocolate covered, cream filled fried gifts from the gods, ruined!  We quickly fired every last alien in the place.

It was time to evaluate our hiring practices.  We settled on humans, they cost more, but they respect the donut.
Here is a reenactment, not really the head of Human Resources, actually it is Jesse the sales person, who agreed to play the part of Bob, who was unavailable.  And the alien, who needed a job.