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Friday, January 17, 2014

Taking Charge, Are You Ready For Success?

Today is the 17th of January, and by now most of those lofty New Years resolutions are dead, buried in shallow graves, and just another twinge of regret as you cry yourself asleep each night.  The workout equipment is setting unused under the crumpled sweat suit with the tag still hanging from the sleeve.  But, the rowing machine seat is exactly the same size as the industrial size box of Twinkies you brought home from the store, so it was not a complete waste.  Your "Learn a New Word a Day" calender is still on January 2nd, and by an odd coincidence the word that day was "Ineffectual; adj., Insufficient to produce a desired effect, useless, worthless."  You should probably see what is on the 3rd.

There is still hope, though.  You might be able to meet #4: "Improve my career, and earn more money,while finding a job I love."  Don't give up on that yet.  There are probably opportunities right in your own company if you willing to fight for them, willing to take some chances, roll the dice.  All you need is the willpower and a good plan.  In your case we might have to settle for a good plan.  But, we, here at Life Explained, have that plan.  A plan tailored to your situation.  Just follow these steps and you are on your way to the corner office.  Next year we can worry about those extra pounds.  And that limited thought process, and that graying, thinning hair, well maybe next year and the year after that, you are kind of a big job.

1. Approach the key decision maker, confident, assured, comfortable.  Let them know you are ready for the promotion, and make them believe in you.  There are several ways to initiate the conversation, first let's examine the wrong approach.  "Hey, is that an opening in mid level management with an appropriate pay level and benefit package commensurate with my underutilized skills, and languishing intellect, or are you just happy to see me?"  An opening like this suggests you are unhappy in your position of assistant head custodian, implying that you are not a team player.

Instead, try this.  "Good morning, here is a nice package of Omaha Steaks for you and Mrs. Corporate Decision Maker, an excellent accompaniment for this bottle of 18 year old Single Malt Scotch, and these tickets to "Lion King," the musical sensation, and smash Broadway hit."  Using this approach shows that you are not only intelligent but have timing, taste, and the ability to "Build Consensus," very important for clawing your way up the corporate ladder.

2. Now that you have your foot in the door, as it were, it is vital to close the deal, one obvious technique is to catalog your skills, emphasizing those most appropriate for the opening at hand.  "Well, I am well versed in the Microsoft Office Suite, Access being a particular point of pride, including the use of SQL queries for custom, on demand reports, and uniquely qualified to use the data to generate attention grabbing Excel charts in support of sales and marketing goals.  Also, I am well versed in the construction and maintenance of E-commerce sites, including the use HTML, and advanced programming architecture, to build error free exchanges that will leave our customers happy and wanting to return, and willing to tell everybody they know about the wonderful experience they enjoyed ordering our product."  An obvious, but idiotic approach.  By the time you finish this speech you will find yourself facing a VIP that is either fast asleep, a bit of a snore echoing around the room, or trying to decide where best to play the Q in "Words with other People."

A much better option is providing evidence of your ability to solve problems, while focusing on the task at hand.  "With this job, I would finally be able to support my sick Mother, and still have enough money to pay for your wife's botox treatment."  Short, to the point, and proving that you are willing to make the sacrifices necessary for an expanding, international company.

With just a little sacrifice all some a couple of your dreams can come true.  Stick with us, and good things will happen.  You can thank us later.