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Monday, February 10, 2014

Technology, a mixed blessing.

Since we, here at Life Explained, are sick of this awful winter, and the increasingly invasive, and oppressive Polar Vortex we are going to bring you news from the Southern Hemisphere, where gorgeous, beautiful summer warmth is the flavor of the day.

Using technology in unique ways to save lives, and avoid disfiguring injury is always a noble pursuit.  But, the government researchers in Western Australia have come up with a very unique idea to blend new ideas with the threat from ancient creatures.

Fitting more than 300 sharks with transmitters that will send "tweets" when they approach a beach.  This message will contain information needed to assess the threat including the shark's size, breed, and approximate location.  Technology is an amazing thing, and when information can be used to add safety to everyday living that can only be considered a plus.

Unfortunately, technology can be a double edged sword, and soon the sharks had hacked into their transmitters and were using them to tweet to each other.  "@HammerheadSue, #GreatBuffet off New South Wales, Bring ur appetite."  And, the swimmers were disappearing by the dozens.

But, humans know a little about technology, and began subscribing to the twitter feeds of these noble creatures.  There would be drove of spectators standing on the beach watching the sharks swim around the empty waters, looking longingly at all of the tasty morsels waiting patiently on the shore.

It did not take long before the sharks understood the true utility of this equipment.  Most notably, luring innocent, unsuspecting beach goers in to the water.  "#FreeFosters (Australian for beer) 25 meters from shore," or, "#machoguy help, beautiful woman drowning, come quick."  People are powerless to resist these sorts of gambits, and were being eaten as fast as they could look at their smart phones.

Soon, sharks were starting to pack on the pounds, and several of them had to start taking medicine to reduce their cholesterol and blood pressure.  Sometimes, the benefits of technology can be a boon, sometimes it is a curse.

But, you don't become an apex predator by being stupid.  Sharks started using the transmitters to order green leafy salads and vegetable trays, with a light vinaigrette, some of them are have opened Amazon
accounts and are receiving work out videos, and diet cookbooks.

This has caused an unexpected explosion in the Australian economy, and countries all over the world are rushing internet capable devices to top level predators, hoping for a similar surge.  You might want to remember this next time you are camping and get a text message asking you to bring a bottle of water into the bushes for "#wearytraveler."

Tune in tomorrow when we will discuss the hazards using venomous snakes to process your tax returns, sure they work cheap, but is the angry disposition, and ill temper worth the savings.  It is if you are lucky enough to be audited.