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Thursday, January 8, 2015

Top Secret meets Irresistible Force.

While our search continues for the ideal executive officer for Life Explained we have decided to try other, well tested approaches to the day to day operations of the company.  Obviously, CEO for a day did not work.  But, there are many different approaches to running a multinational, top secret, enormously profitable, fantastically innovative research and development facility.  We think.  

It is hard to say, for sure.  There are not a lot of periodicals, or publications discussing top secret research facilities management practices, probably the top secret thing.  

Maybe, though, there are mountains of research, hidden away in deep caverns.  Using stealth, and cunning to infiltrate the facility we can make off with all of information.  Of course there are probably heavy iron gates.  Gates covered in locks.  Gates patrolled by machine gun toting judo experts, reeking of energy drinks, after shave, and testosterone.  

Probably dogs, too.  Big, drooling, vicious dogs, who are not slowed by the weighty addition of rabies, or distemper vaccines.  Barbed wire collars, kevlar helmets reflecting the florescent light, untrimmed claws clicking on tiled floors as they goose step in front of the only entrance.  Don’t forget the robots, armed with laser rifles, waiting just inside the electrified fence.  

Obviously, this is going to take some planning.  

What we need to do is convert the espresso machine into a large bore, high velocity glue gun.  We can mount it on top of the Prius, right in front of the sunroof, and use the HSD (Hybrid Synergy Device) to super heat a 4 gallon bucket of Roberts Wood and Bamboo Floor Adhesive (only $240.50 @ at Grainger's) to 375°F (17 Pounds Sterling °C).  Using the high volume air compressor (Ingersoll Rand Garage Mate Air, 2 HP 5.2 CFM, only $559.99 at Northern Tool, with free shipping (act now, limited time offer)) soon to be installed in the hatch back (powered by the CVT (Continuously Variable Transmission)) we will spray the entire security contingent, with quick drying commercial adhesive.

They will be helpless, solidified, watching as we drive off with all of the carefully guarded secrets.  Secrets once believed inaccessible.  It will be the heist of the century.  Of course, the century is barely 15 years old, (or maybe 16, depending on math, and we don’t want to go down that road, and fall into that abyss, again do we?) so it may not last, but still it will be cool.

Wait, that isn’t what we were discussing at all.  Oh, yes, our search for leadership.  We tried a democratic approach, and that was a mess, everybody voting on everything, we can explain that tomorrow.  It took forever, but our time is gone for the day.  And, we have some technical work to perform on Bob's (Bob from Inventory Control) car.  

Tune in, for Life Explained, A Failed Republic, or “I Vote For Cream and Two Sugars In Your Coffee, it’s just better that way."