Democracy, It Belongs to the World, but Who Does it Better?

Democracy was born in ancient Greece, those people loved to vote, and debate. They would vote on things for days. But, that proved difficult and unwieldy, not nearly efficient enough for Americans. We like things streamlined, trimmed and neat. When we tossed all the foreigners out in 1700s (and it was not easy, we still sounded remarkably similar, thank goodness for the uniforms) we decided to make a good American Democracy.

George Washington said "I won't be king, but I will be the leader, we just need a good name, maybe Prime Minister. No that sounds too European, and it will look lousy on the Presidential Seal. Hey, how about Presidential, or better yet, President?"

"Great idea, what about us, though, we were there too?" the other founding fathers cried in dismay.

"You can be the Houses of Congress," Washington replied. 

They cheered, danced, drank, voted to shutdown the Federal Government and went on recess. Modern American Democracy was born.

And what a fine institution it is. Not a real democracy, it is what we like to call a representative democracy. We vote for people who tell us how bad other people are. They go to Washington and act like children, and ignore the needs of the people. If they can do this long enough they will be appointed to key committee positions, where they can ignore the needs of a much larger group of people. 

Really, it is the ultimate evolution of Government, the pinnacle of Democracy. We vote, they vote, and things run smoothly. 

If you can draw enough attention to yourself you have the opportunity to apply for the

ultimate job in American Politics, Vice Presidency. 

You want to talk about a plum assignment, this is one getting over job. Oh sure, he has to be "President of the Senate" and if something happens to the President he better be sober, but other than that he is just along for the ride. Man, what a gig.

There is nothing comparable in the UK government with its Westminster System, and uncodified constitution, Which, by the way means:

the fundamental rules often take the form of customs, usage, precedent and a 
variety of statutes and legal instruments.

I am only speaking for myself here, but I think there is way to much left open there. Imagine going into a "pub" and asking for a "pint" and saying you would like it chilled. Would David Cameron send in his legion of jack booted thugs to whisk you away, saying "chilled beer kind of goes against our customs, and as such is a violation of our uncodified constitution, mate."


Don't forget to check out the competition at Blog of Thog. Comment, and tell him he is a wonderful blogger, but a little off base, or spot on. It is your chance to have a say

Top Secret meets Irresistible Force.

While our search continues for the ideal executive officer for Life Explained we have decided to try other, well tested approaches to the day to day operations of the company.  Obviously, CEO for a day did not work.  But, there are many different approaches to running a multinational, top secret, enormously profitable, fantastically innovative research and development facility.  We think.  

It is hard to say, for sure.  There are not a lot of periodicals, or publications discussing top secret research facilities management practices, probably the top secret thing.  

Maybe, though, there are mountains of research, hidden away in deep caverns.  Using stealth, and cunning to infiltrate the facility we can make off with all of information.  Of course there are probably heavy iron gates.  Gates covered in locks.  Gates patrolled by machine gun toting judo experts, reeking of energy drinks, after shave, and testosterone.  

Probably dogs, too.  Big, drooling, vicious dogs, who are not slowed by the weighty addition of rabies, or distemper vaccines.  Barbed wire collars, kevlar helmets reflecting the florescent light, untrimmed claws clicking on tiled floors as they goose step in front of the only entrance.  Don’t forget the robots, armed with laser rifles, waiting just inside the electrified fence.  

Obviously, this is going to take some planning.  

What we need to do is convert the espresso machine into a large bore, high velocity glue gun.  We can mount it on top of the Prius, right in front of the sunroof, and use the HSD (Hybrid Synergy Device) to super heat a 4 gallon bucket of Roberts Wood and Bamboo Floor Adhesive (only $240.50 @ at Grainger's) to 375°F (17 Pounds Sterling °C).  Using the high volume air compressor (Ingersoll Rand Garage Mate Air, 2 HP 5.2 CFM, only $559.99 at Northern Tool, with free shipping (act now, limited time offer)) soon to be installed in the hatch back (powered by the CVT (Continuously Variable Transmission)) we will spray the entire security contingent, with quick drying commercial adhesive.

They will be helpless, solidified, watching as we drive off with all of the carefully guarded secrets.  Secrets once believed inaccessible.  It will be the heist of the century.  Of course, the century is barely 15 years old, (or maybe 16, depending on math, and we don’t want to go down that road, and fall into that abyss, again do we?) so it may not last, but still it will be cool.

Wait, that isn’t what we were discussing at all.  Oh, yes, our search for leadership.  We tried a democratic approach, and that was a mess, everybody voting on everything, we can explain that tomorrow.  It took forever, but our time is gone for the day.  And, we have some technical work to perform on Bob's (Bob from Inventory Control) car.  

Tune in, for Life Explained, A Failed Republic, or “I Vote For Cream and Two Sugars In Your Coffee, it’s just better that way."

Presidential Campaign Preseason, Where Winners Are Made.

Today, in the Columbus Dispatch it was reported that Senator Rob Portman has announced that he would not run as a candidate for President.  He chose, instead, to seek reelection to the Senate.  According to the article Senator Portman claimed he was not interested in being Vice President either.  He feels, apparently, that he has a lot of work to do in the Senate.  Admirable, to be sure.  Senator Portman does seem to be a decent person, moderate, and reasonable, characteristics that are in short supply in the Capitol.

But, none of that matters, too much, because we, here at the Life Explained (#lifeexplained) Political Campaign Headquarters (#politicalcampaignheadquarters) are not at all interested in people who are not running for office, and people who are not even willing to campaign for Vice President are particularly uninteresting.  We want to know who is running.

Since Ohio is a battleground state (we like to think of ourselves as Kingmakers (#kingmakers)) we get to spend a lot of time being catered to, and wooed by candidates.  And, they spend a lot of time and money briefing us on the shortcomings of other candidates. Information desperately needed to choose the least awful candidate, the person least likely to completely ruin everything.  We really get to see the seamy, despicable side of candidates, thanks to other candidates.  We, here at the Life Explained (#lifeexplained) Presidential Campaign Headquarters, (#presidentialcampaignheadquarters) are very grateful.  Imagine the time Ohioans would have to waste looking up all of the terrible things about prospective presidents themselves, it would destroy the state economy.

Right now there are potential presidential candidates assembling armies on the frontiers of Ohio, massing volunteers, raising funds, building war chests, getting ready to invade the state.  All of them just waiting for the right   It is always a calculated risk to be the first one to announce.  Sure you get the best seats in Iowa caucuses, an important early feast for candidates, but you open yourself to numerous attacks from other presidential would be's.  All roads to Ottumwa start in Ohio.  And you know what state is between Iowa and New Hampshire, you guessed it, Ohio.

Obviously, there are a great many benefits to Presidential campaigns, here in Ohio.  Monetary rewards for sure, but more important, a sense of importance, and fulfillment.  Ohio is still recovering from the collapse of the steel industry, and was hit hard by the problems of the auto industry, and we can't forget the Drive in 1987, when John Elway cut the heart out of Ohio, or the Shot, in 1989, when Micheal Jordan stomped all over that heart.  Clearly, we need a little something to make us feel good.

There is no better cure for a poor self image than hearing about the awful shortcomings, and terrible habits of another.  If that person is a famous politician, with a ridiculous amount of money, powerful backers, a Super PAC, a tour bus, a manager, and possibly a political Juggernaut to call his own, then so much the better.

In the interest of our fine state, the slowly recovering economy, and the sluggish job outlook we, here at the Life Explained (#lifeexplained) State Recovery Ministry (#staterecoveryministry) would like to recommend a more robust Presidential Campaign Season, something along the lines of the NBA, or the NHL, or MLB, or for that matter the NFL, or thinking reasonably, it that is still a possibility, any professional sport.  One that seems to never end, with a championship leading right to preseason, right into the regular season.  It is growth industry, and the country needs some good news.

Common Sense Application to Enormous Problems.

Today's traffic in the nation's capital calls for ego fueled, shortsighted, narrow minded, self-serving gridlock. This is liable to be a long term situation with little hope for resolution. Meanwhile the nation languishes and the problems grow, and compound. There is little hope for resolution. Elected officials threaten bicker, squabble, and insult, and perform far below expectations. 

 It is obvious our form of democracy is in desperate straits, and at least part of the problem can be attributed to the liberal infusion of cash, and the obligation that follows, an inescapable shadow, strangling cooperation, and bipartisanship. Infrastructure fails, while elected officials stand in the hallowed aisles of the houses of congress swinging their purses at each other, purses swollen with corporate cash. But, it is this cash, and greed, and need for control that could save us from some of our problems.

Large companies line up to throw money at arenas and stadiums, they can't wait to plaster their name on auditoriums, anything that will provide a tax shelter, and a little glad handing advertisement. We are constantly bombarded by product placement, and naming rights, everywhere we look. Why not use to this to our advantage.

Every civic reconstruction project should begin with two bids. The first is for the naming rights, and the second is for the actual construction, demolition, or both. Even in a relatively small city many people will never enter the basketball, or hockey arena, or the baseball, or football stadium. Sure, everybody will hear the name, repeated by the corporate shills manning the local press outlets, but with time it will cease to be a proper noun, Lucas Oil Stadium, Nationwide Arena, soon become, "lucasoilstadium." It is not intentional, it is human nature. But, imagine the impact of The Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Water Main. Something people use every day, something that gives life, and provides comfort.

What about the Waste Management Swamp Reclamation Project? Or the Pfizer Solid Waste Authority Land Fill, garbage trucks could be festooned with images of people whose lives have been made more complete through the use of applied chemistry.

If your municipality can not afford new police cruisers, sell advertising rights. Not only could the winning company place their logo on the side of the car, the siren could be programmed to play the commercial jingle. Imagine your delight at being pulled over by "My bologna has a first name it's O S C A R." Even hardened criminals will surrender gladly to the pleasant, happy child's voice singing joyfully about lunch.

Of course it won't solve all of our problems, but it will give us the foundation for reconstruction, a chance to claw our way out of the morass, find our way out of the darkness. Maybe we can auction off some of our elected officials to raise enough money for a pizza party. Actually, it will be more like a second mortgage.