Friday, February 13, 2015
Friday the Thirteenth, Valentines Day, and Falling Anvils, Oh No.
It is Friday the Thirteenth. And tomorrow is Saint Valentine's Day. Both of these days carry ominous, horrible imagery. A little known fact, there have been several Saint Valentine's Day Massacres. Most of them involve an angry wife who did not want a new SwifterÔ for this special day. Of course, what she did want was hidden behind layers of subterfuge, and guile, guerilla gift exchange.
Women are experts at misinformation. Leading a poor, unsuspecting man along a fairy tale path, singing birds, and dancing rabbits lining the trail. Out of nowhere an anvil* will drop on his foot. While the poor sap is dancing around on one foot, holding the other in both hands, tears streaming down his face, pain choking his ability to hear or understand, she will follow along explaining what he did wrong, at the top of her lungs.
"Well, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine." She will say, walking away, as he drops onto his back, waiting for next snow to come and cover him
But, it is all worth it. All of the pain, all of the torment, all of the doubt, all of the half crazed attacks of desperate, paranoid imagination, these are a small price to pay. Walking into the school building where I go to the gym, seeing my wife smile at me. Calling her and hearing her voice, these make life worth living. Mignon Mclaughlin said "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." And, she was right.
So, to everybody who made it this far, thanks for reading, it hasn't always been easy, maybe it never was. To my wife, Happy Valentine's Day, we should do it again next year. I can't imagine life without you, and I have a pretty good imagination.
*Studies conducted by Acme Cartoon Products indicate an anvil carries the optimal, comic payload for a smashed foot. A piano is an acceptably hilarious method to smash a whole person but is too large and indiscriminate for a target as small as a foot. Wives are free to use whichever device is at hand, of course.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.