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Sunday, August 23, 2015

Commerce Gone Wild!

Yesterday we went to the Outlet Mall. It is a big day, filled with excitement, and energy. There are several advantages to shopping at Tanger Outlet Mall, convenience is the driving factor for us. There are so many stores packed into a small place, so many different brands, all crammed into a brisk walk.

It really packs in the people, too. Humanity, in all its variety, all walking the sidewalks and crowded aisles. It is a true testament to the human spirit. There is safety in numbers, we are social animals and we love a good deal.

When dealing with that many people it is important to establish yourself as the alpha shopper early. One good way to do this, use the restroom, and wash your hands vigorously, spending enough time that the other person finishes first. Already you have proven your superior hygiene. Then, to cement your dominance, as the filthy, lesser shopper of the species is drying his hands, using the heated air, dry your hands on the back of his shirt, pulling up the tail and really getting between the fingers. You can walk out clean, dry and in charge.

But, don't kid yourself there is always some young gun, looking to unseat you from the lofty throne. You have to keep your edge, stay light on your feet, and keep your head on a swivel. One way to avoid being unseated, leave early.

As the day wears on the crowds get denser, the mood darkens, and the atmosphere becomes more volatile. People who are fighting through crowds of people who are often stopped in the middle of the sidewalk shrieking at unruly children, or having small, loud family reunion, can be hostile, vicious. And these are not the kind of people I want shop with.

So, yesterday, I got a new pair of shoes for work, a new pair of shoes for the gym, and most importantly a new gym bag. It is a manly bag, canvas, and leather, macho as can be for a bag you carry on your shoulder. I wanted something different, I always do, and then I wonder why I don't fit in. Go figure.