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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Commercials, the television of the future.

We here, at Life Explained, Ohio Office, love commercials, at least some of us. Some of us want to rush past them while watching recorded programs. Why, we wonder, these are one minute masterpieces, life in sixty seconds. No big time commitment, no serial requirements, just a brief foray into a world of wonder, and miracles.

Chester Cheetah kills us, at least some of us. With his dry humor, and his distinguished, intelligent accent. For sixty seconds he orchestrates chaos, and lunacy. With a delightful conclusion that brings harmony, and a quick escape. It is television at its finest. But, some of us want to scream past Chester's exploits so we can get back to some show that lasts forever and is part of an infinite series. And we do love Cheetos, all of us.

We even love political commercials. Where else can you find out all of the horrid things about people running for office, or the potential stupidity, and possible constitutional violation of state bills. In the city where our top secret laboratory is located we are trying to elect a new mayor. Long ago both candidates gave up any pretense of getting elected on their merits or their stance on the issues. It has become a slog of convincing voters that no matter how despicable they seem their opponent would be a worse choice. "I am an awful person, but that guy wishes he was me."  Educating voters is a waste, entertain them, manipulate their fears, and hope for the best. And we love it!

One exception to our unbridled passion for television's greatest entertainment, local car companies. OMG, WTF! Who comes up with some of these things? Sitting around discussing sales goals, and buyer incentives does one guy say, "you know what would be funny? If we dress up like cavemen, and have big clubs, and pretend to sell cars to people from the future, that would be funny."* What is really amazing is nobody says, "no, that wouldn't be funny, that would be kind of dumb." So, if you work for a car dealership, and you are hoping for our vote for a peoples choice award, it is going to cost you, a lot.

*If you see somebody using this ploy in a commercial don't tell anybody you read it here, please, I beg of you.