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Saturday, October 24, 2015

Life Explained, the Early Days

How do you measure success?  It is a private calculation, one that everybody needs to write for themselves. Money, fame, recognition for achievement are all metrics, but we, here at Life Explained Ohio Office, like to measure success in advertising dollars.

Unfortunately, we have fallen short of our goals, which were modest by today's standard, only $250.000.00, so far we have only cleared $000,000.00. Obviously we have some work to do.

With that in mind we have hired a new advertising agency. But, without any advertising revenue, we were a little limited in our choices, all of the really good organizations are a little pricey. Many of them wouldn't even return our emails, and the one who answered the phone actually laughed out loud when we started counting the change from the sofa cushions. A little rude, but it was worse when they hung up.

But, innovation r' us®*.  And we persevered. We actually started our own advertising agency. The Life Explained Advertising Agency. It was a great idea, we should have thought of this years ago.

We are lining up all sorts of events, and endorsements, and commercial opportunities. There are celebrities, and statesmen, and elected officials all in the cue for future events to help celebrate the story of the birth of Life Explained.

It is a great story, too. A dog scientist and a couple of human engineers, and graduate students striking out on their own. Nothing but a covered wagon, a used printer, a dream, and a couple of dollars, we started across the Rockies. But the snows came early and we were stuck in a pass, with nothing but some canned beans and a faulty microwave assembled hastily from the printer, things looked desperate.

But, we persevered, and using the planks from the bottom of the wagon we built a few rudimentary buildings, and stocked them as best we could. It was touch and go, we hunted for local game, and trapped, and fished, and panned for gold. Just as a side note, the red berries on evergreens make an awful wine, but we’ve had worse.

But, we persevered, and built a few more buildings using logs and sticks, and rocks. We fashioned a crude system of cables using twigs, and bark as rope to transfer goods and people to and from the mountain top. It was really ingenious, man we were so smart.

Pretty soon people were coming from everywhere to check out our new settlement. And that is how we founded Aspen, Colorado.**

Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that story?

Don't forget to tune in tomorrow when we talk about how we subdued the Boxer Rebellion, a touching story involving a corrupt referee and some hellacious left jabs, and right crosses. And the Eye of the Tiger, by the 80's rock band Survivor.

*Not really registered, yet, but we are going to work on it as soon as we save enough money, don’t forget the life explained garage, rummage and bake sale, coming to a neighborhood near you.

** Not really, this was written by the Life Explained Advertising Agency.  For a free quote email us at