It would be a good time to start thinking about the coming apocalypse. Of course we are talking about Christmas. The need to find the perfect gift, and make sure all the people know who is responsible for such a wonderful gift. Spend enough that it will be regretted until the next Christmas.
Oh, and don't forget the decorations, what would Christmas be without all of the glaring, gaudy lights, and loud, obnoxious sweaters. Oh, and remember the music, no one ever gets enough Christmas music. Make sure it is loud enough to be heard passing asteroids.
Rush around, store to store, snapping at other shoppers, and greedily snatching things off shelves. Snarling, angry, and hostile. What would Christmas be without yelling at a cashier, or stock clerk. Stupid, incompetent minimum wage people, just trying to ruin your holidays.
In the midst of all the mad shopping, baking, decorating, wrapping, and celebrating it is vital you take a enough time to complain endlessly to family, coworkers, clergy people, everybody you can, about how stressful the holidays are for you. Let them know how much you have to do, and how little it is appreciated. People want to know. It won't really be Christmas without that.
But, perhaps most important, regale everyone with tales of Christmas from your youth. How you would chop your own tree using a blade fashioned from the teeth of a long deceased predator. Decorated with the tears of angels shed over the sacrifice of your youth toiling in the coal mines. How your mom would give you a baked potato for lunch and you would carry it in your pocket so it would stay warm. And you and your dozens of siblings would exchange gifts, made by hand from the fruits of a simple existence ripped from the wilds of the new world.
Now that's Christmas.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Christmas, Time to Gear Up.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.