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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Hurry, this is a limited time offer.

In an embarrassing effort to make an easy, fast dollar we, here at Life Explained, have decided to auction off dates with several key members of the "executive council."* Things are a little tight since we launched our new Android operating system.

Turns out an "operating system," is not really designed to perform surgery. Wow, that was embarrassing, and expensive. People don't like big, clumsy robots taking out their tonsils, and some sundry, mostly unnecessary tissue, and parts in the very near area. They are particularly upset if they are there to have their teeth cleaned. Wow, do they get mad.

That is not really important, though. What is important is just in time for the holidays we have launched "date a difference maker." Don't know what to get Grandma for Christmas how about a dream date with Dr. Dawg? Or Bob from accounting, or Bob from R and D?

Don't have a date for the company holiday party, don't despair, "rent a successful person" is here. For a limited time we will auction off an evening of dance, drink, delightful conversation, and impressive credentials.

Look, whatever your needs for the coming season of festivity, it will be so much better with some daring, dashing, darling of industry, and innovation doting over you as your envious family watches, seething with bitter resentment. Nothing says holidays with the family like insane jealousy, are we right.

Legal note: beautiful scenery extra, not all dates are actually "dream dates" in fact some may be very dull. Impressive credentials are open to interpretation, just try to get your lawyer to prove that we are not impressed. Go Karts, bungee jumping, white water rafting, hang gliding, parasailing, any kind of sailing, really, anything that requires flying, or driving fast and pinball are not allowed, due to the extreme danger, also no girl movies, what do you think they are, a bunch of sissies?

*Not really an executive council, but several of the "people" who have been here the longest, and seem to have more going on upstairs, at least when it comes to keeping a job for a while. Not that people who haven't been here that long aren't important to our success, they are. But, we had to pick somebody to auction off, and since the people who have been here the longest were at the meeting when we decided to raise money they decided they were the best looking, not that we feel appearance is the best method of finding a date, not that we don't think appearance is important, we do, just not the only factor... never mind, it isn't that important.