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Thursday, December 10, 2015

Looking for Office Space, Look No Further.

Recently we, here at Life Explained Ohio Office (LE HO HO HO(for Christmas, you know?)) discovered that we have a new ghost in the building. Yes, a new ghost. We are headquartered in a very old building, in a historic part of town, and when we bought the place it had several ghosts living here already. They are harmless, and willing to pitch in when work gets busy. They are great security people, and make wonderful couriers. And since they don't ask for much, just a place to stay, no benefits, and no withholding taxes we kept them.

But our new ghost is not so helpful. He is not even a real ghost. He is just the remnants of an angry food exchange in the kitchen one day.

Bob, from Building Services was eating a sandwich, pastrami on marbled rye with golden mustard, one day, when Bobby from product development walked in, and yelled, "hey! that's my sandwich, you piece of crap."

Bob assured him it wasn't and said he was an idiot. Bob, and Bobby are both kind of hot heads. Bobby screamed, "hey everybody, Bob is a low down, bottom of the barrel, lop eared lunch thief. The worst kind of scum, I hate that guy."

Bob couldn't take it any more, he was very sensitive about his ears, they are kind of large. He hurled the sandwich at Bobby. But, Bob is not your typical athlete. In fact Bob is not an athlete at all. He missed Bobby completely, and the sandwich landed "Thwack" right in the face of General Mills, from the Joint Chiefs, who was there to look at the new [text redacted for national security].

We had to fire Bob, the General was furious, and a mess, with a whole chestful of ribbons and metals covered in golden mustard.

Bob was being escorted out when he heard Bobby say, "oops, here is my sandwich, in the refrigerator. Sorry, Bob." Who would have thought they both had pastrami, on marbled rye with golden mustard. Actually, when you consider how heavenly it is there is nothing surprising about it at all.

But, Bob's rage was so great it actually split from his body, and took up residence in our kitchen. Where it just hangs around arguing with everybody, about everything. Even the old ghosts won't go in there.

We have called in the best Supernatural Eviction Specialists in the country, but they say since Bob is not dead there is not much they can do. Then they bill us $500.00.

We hired Bob back, thinking that might help. He just stands in the kitchen arguing with himself all day. The guy is a jerk. So, we moved on. We bought everybody a small refrigerator and microwave for their desk, and coffee is delivered routinely.

If anybody is interested we have  a small "office space" for lease. It comes with a microwave, refrigerator, and coffee maker, and a building services associate. Make an offer, please.