Recently we, here at Life Explained Ohio Office (LE HO HO HO(for Christmas, you know?)) discovered that we have a new ghost in the building. Yes, a new ghost. We are headquartered in a very old building, in a historic part of town, and when we bought the place it had several ghosts living here already. They are harmless, and willing to pitch in when work gets busy. They are great security people, and make wonderful couriers. And since they don't ask for much, just a place to stay, no benefits, and no withholding taxes we kept them.
But our new ghost is not so helpful. He is not even a real ghost. He is just the remnants of an angry food exchange in the kitchen one day.
Bob, from Building Services was eating a sandwich, pastrami on marbled rye with golden mustard, one day, when Bobby from product development walked in, and yelled, "hey! that's my sandwich, you piece of crap."
Bob assured him it wasn't and said he was an idiot. Bob, and Bobby are both kind of hot heads. Bobby screamed, "hey everybody, Bob is a low down, bottom of the barrel, lop eared lunch thief. The worst kind of scum, I hate that guy."
Bob couldn't take it any more, he was very sensitive about his ears, they are kind of large. He hurled the sandwich at Bobby. But, Bob is not your typical athlete. In fact Bob is not an athlete at all. He missed Bobby completely, and the sandwich landed "Thwack" right in the face of General Mills, from the Joint Chiefs, who was there to look at the new [text redacted for national security].
We had to fire Bob, the General was furious, and a mess, with a whole chestful of ribbons and metals covered in golden mustard.
Bob was being escorted out when he heard Bobby say, "oops, here is my sandwich, in the refrigerator. Sorry, Bob." Who would have thought they both had pastrami, on marbled rye with golden mustard. Actually, when you consider how heavenly it is there is nothing surprising about it at all.
But, Bob's rage was so great it actually split from his body, and took up residence in our kitchen. Where it just hangs around arguing with everybody, about everything. Even the old ghosts won't go in there.
We have called in the best Supernatural Eviction Specialists in the country, but they say since Bob is not dead there is not much they can do. Then they bill us $500.00.
We hired Bob back, thinking that might help. He just stands in the kitchen arguing with himself all day. The guy is a jerk. So, we moved on. We bought everybody a small refrigerator and microwave for their desk, and coffee is delivered routinely.
If anybody is interested we have a small "office space" for lease. It comes with a microwave, refrigerator, and coffee maker, and a building services associate. Make an offer, please.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Looking for Office Space, Look No Further.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.