There is always a little tension in the air, here at Life Explained Ohio. Hardly surprising considering the low level guerrilla war that is constantly being waged. Sabotage, and back stabbing, and undermining are generally as bad as it gets, and nobody gets hurt, normally. Yesterday it bubbled over, and things got really bad.
There was a board meeting scheduled for 2:00 in the main conference room. All of the big money investors were going to be involved in a teleconference, and the staff was humming with the excitement of possibilities. If things went well there would be a lot of money to spread around. New centrifuges, vacuum concentrators, electron microscopes, isotope distillators, x-ray equipment, and if we played our cards right a new refrigerator, coffee maker and microwave on every floor. It was intoxicating.
The meeting had just started, when Bob, from accounting strolled by, pushed the door open and held up a sign that read "Research and Development is a waste of money, and should be eliminated." Unfortunately, Roberta, from accounting, who hates Bob, from accounting, knew what he had planned and told the Bobby from R and D of his plans.
Bobby fixed an electromagnet to the door and the frame, and was watching from one of the customer service cubicles. When he powered the magnet the door slammed shut, and knocked Bob backward so hard he flew through across the desk and crashed through the window. He barely managed to grab the power cord on the printer to keep from plunging 9 stories to his death.
Bobby was not really an engineer, just a clerical person with a flair for electronics, so he drastically over estimated the size of magnet he would need. It had slammed the door with such force the wall collapsed, and the ceiling caved in, covering all of the board members in white dust from the ceiling tiles. They staggered across the broken wall studs looking like ghosts. Angry ghosts dressed in Armani, Ralph Lauren and Hermes.
It was the worst timing when the drone trailing the sign reading "Welcome to Life Explained, the
Worlds Best Company" flew past as they were calling to have their planes fueled and ready to fly by the time they got to the airport. One of the women, who was walking on broken high heels grabbed it out of the air, broke it into little pieces, threw it on the floor, and smashed it with brief case. It was new, too.
So, I guess we will have to drink the coffee from the kitchen, like animals. Maybe next year.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Another Board Meeting Gone Wrong.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.