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Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Another Board Meeting Gone Wrong.

There is always a little tension in the air, here at Life Explained Ohio. Hardly surprising considering the low level guerrilla war that is constantly being waged. Sabotage, and back stabbing, and undermining are generally as bad as it gets, and nobody gets hurt, normally. Yesterday it bubbled over, and things got really bad.

There was a board meeting scheduled for 2:00 in the main conference room. All of the big money investors were going to be involved in a teleconference, and the staff was humming with the excitement of possibilities. If things went well there would be a lot of money to spread around. New centrifuges, vacuum concentrators, electron microscopes, isotope distillators, x-ray equipment, and if we played our cards right a new refrigerator, coffee maker and microwave on every floor. It was intoxicating.

The meeting had just started, when Bob, from accounting strolled by, pushed the door open and held up a sign that read "Research and Development is a waste of money, and should be eliminated." Unfortunately, Roberta, from accounting, who hates Bob, from accounting, knew what he had planned and told the Bobby from R and D of his plans.

Bobby fixed an electromagnet to the door and the frame, and was watching from one of the customer service cubicles. When he powered the magnet the door slammed shut, and knocked Bob backward so hard he flew through across the desk and crashed through the window. He barely managed to grab the power cord on the printer to keep from plunging 9 stories to his death.

Bobby was not really an engineer, just a clerical person with a flair for electronics, so he drastically over estimated the size of magnet he would need. It had slammed the door with such force the wall collapsed, and the ceiling caved in, covering all of the board members in white dust from the ceiling tiles. They staggered across the broken wall studs looking like ghosts. Angry ghosts dressed in Armani, Ralph Lauren and Hermes.

It was the worst timing when the drone trailing the sign reading "Welcome to Life Explained, the
Worlds Best Company" flew past as they were calling to have their planes fueled and ready to fly by the time they got to the airport. One of the women, who was walking on broken high heels grabbed it out of the air, broke it into little pieces, threw it on the floor, and smashed it with brief case. It was new, too.

So, I guess we will have to drink the coffee from the kitchen, like animals. Maybe next year.