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Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Can You Help A Brother Out?

In an effort to pay off our debt to Uncle Sam (what kind of Uncle takes money all year, and then demands more in April? We need to get a better class of family) we have decided to offer our services for hire. Welcome to the Life Explained Research and Development Facility Free For All.

Thinking of overthrowing a foreign government? Stop thinking, start overthrowing. Don't have an army bristling with weaponry straight out of Hollywood? Give us a call at 1-800-BUYANARMY. We have several different purchasing options, and a smorgasbord of sizes. We can equip and field a robot army in less than 72 hours. From a small search and destroy squad to immobilize a competitors technology center to enough firepower to cripple a crumbling erstwhile superpower.

Need close air support. Unmanned Arial Assault Vehicles are one of our specialties. If you want to invade an island nation go with our Bomb and Level package, guaranteed to reduce resistance and remove roadblocks all the way to the capitol. If your neighbor's party is a little out of hand, music a little too loud, laughter a little too hurtful to a person left off the guest list, just order our Divine Retribution package. A one time reminder that people have feelings. Please let us know which car is yours, that can be so embarrassing.

Time travel, space exploration, and high school science projects featuring controlled, room temperature fusion are all on sale dirt cheap. We need, well the IRS needs, the money. No reasonable offer will be refused. Unreasonable offers may be welcome as well, as long as they are unreasonably large.

Thank you,

the Management. Life Explained Tax Compliance Department.