Last night, despite a rational, normal, completely healthy fear of water and a deep seated, logical hatred for boats, I bought a kayak. Why? Let me tell you. Actually, I don't know why. As hard as I have tried I can't explain it. I have wanted a Kayak for years. I told my neighbor, who works at Cabela's to keep his eye open and he said "I have one in the Bargain Cave."
It was less than half price. It was less than half price, and it is a beauty. It is 11 foot long, and has a places for fishing poles. There is webbing and a covered hole in the middle for stuff, and some pockets, and things that are too complicated to explain to a bunch of landlubbers. But, there are some serious nautical accessories on this bad boy.
And it makes me feel a little like Conrad or Melville, or Coleridge. And I want to say things like "the starboard swain is lobbed with brine and Doubloons, and we need to make waves, me hearty." But, I don't, at least not yet.
It would probably be wise to wait until I have actually put the thing in water and sat inside it before I start "swapping the poop, matey."
Ohio requires kayaks to be licensed. In fact, if you read the ODNR propaganda almost anything that floats needs to be licensed. And I do want to buy a flotation device, a good one, a flotation device that will withstand a Mark 48 torpedo strike. If you know of a life vest built to survive a nuclear incident and costs less than $50.00 please send me a link. It will be a few days until we take our inaugural voyage.
Until then we are going to have a little contest. A Name the Kayak contest. Think, with all the intellectual muscle you can muster of a name for this little beauty. Then either put it in the comments, or email me at Tim@thewhacko.com, or tweet me timclark_tweets, or post it on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/lifedidyounotice/, or send a smoke signal, flash it in semaphore, this is going to be pretty relaxed.
The winner gets the satisfaction of a job well done. The runner up gets the satisfaction of a job almost well done. Third place entrant gets to know that they weren't the worst, unless there are only three entries, of course. Try to avoid names like SS Sinking, Deep Six, Widow Maker, or Wow, is that guy stupid, please. Have a little fun, and be creative, you could be the BIG WINNER.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Is that a new Kayak or are you just glad to see me?
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.