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Sunday, July 17, 2016

Life Explained Bourbon (The first draft of the next 500 posts)

Today was an exciting day, here at Life Explained, we finally discovered how to age bourbon for 8 years in only twenty five minutes. It requires a wooden barrel, a small thermo-nuclear device, a huge building lined with lead, and a used toaster oven. Technically, the toaster oven doesn't have to be used but it is going to be a little messy afterwards, if you can find all the pieces.

Our bourbon is going to be served on Virgin Atlantic space flights, though Mr. Branson doesn't know it yet. We kind of peeked into the future using a microwave oven, an engine from the space shuttle and a digital alarm clock.

Dr. Dawg actually ended up on a flight to Mars, where, before they could drag him to the cargo hold he managed to see a bottle of "Life Explained Flash Bourbon." Right next to the honey roasted peanuts, and ginger ale.

The flight attendants were unimpressed by his credentials as a scientist actively engaged in the
nations defense. Even when he explained that by National Defense he meant weapons of awesome destructive power. They still locked him in a crate between a lizard named Ralph and a sheep dog who was a double agent. He worked for a competing airline thinking about starting discount space flights. Flights where everybody would travel in crates. A lot cheaper but not very comfortable.

Turns out the sheep dog knew it was a stupid idea. He ended up getting a lot of free vacations, and the miles, oh man you can't believe the frequent flyer miles, they were obscene. Eventually the airline just gave him a plane, and he learned to fly it, and is now employed by Life Explained Future Office, in a strictly peaceful capacity. Odd how things work out isn't it?

Tomorrow is a big day, we are starting work on a way to make a martini so dry you need a fork. The work never ends.