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Sunday, October 23, 2016

Colonizing the Moon


Jester's Log. Mission #7: Hiding Out
You may have been wondering where I have been hiding and I wanted to get you up to date with the goings on around the Life Explained Deep Space Colonization Department. As you know, we have shifted the bulk of our resources towards the Clark/Zahrt presidential campaign. I've now had an opportunity to relax for a breather and thought I should update you.

The trip to Mars was a huge success. Alien voters are registering and voting at a tremendous rate. The fact that the Clark/Zahrt team was the only one with the foresight to put a voter registration station on Mars, we are hugely popular with the Martian voters. (It helps that we didn't tell them anyone was running against us.) 

However, we still have a battle to fight back here on Earth. The validity of these alien votes is up for debate right now. It is obviously understood by all that these Martian voters are in fact NOT American citizens. The real problem is that the Liberal and Conservative parties can't seem to agree on whether or not to allow extraterrestrial votes in the 2016 election. Tim's liberal left is all for it while my rigid right is currently fighting it. I think in the end it will be decided that since none of the candidates are really worth it anyway, we might as well allow anyone and everyone to vote. 

My munitions hoarding, Preppers watching, rigid right mentality still has me concerned about the overall results of the election. Because of this, I have chosen to kill two birds with one stone. (Note that was a common idiom and not a threat to any candidates.) For the next few months, you will be able to find me on the moon.

My plan is allowing me to test run a space-based colony on the moon. It's good preparation practice for our planned Mars-based colony. The fact that it is so much closer to Earth than Mars is just a plus. The transport of supplies for initial construction and near-future expansion will be a little more streamlined...at least until we get our teleportation device up and running at full capacity.

The other benefit of colonizing the moon right now is that I won't be anywhere near the U.S. when the final election results roll in. There are numerous predictions of what will happen should the 2016 election go in a particular direction and none of them are all that appealing. My plan should be sound, but I am still waiting to hear from Putin on what the max range of his ICBMs is and verify if the moon is within that range. 

We will begin taking reservations for the first batch of suites that will soon be available on the moon. Our only restriction is that you can't be one of the celebrities who said they'd be leaving the U.S. if "so-and-so" wins the election. Outstanding cooking abilities are a bonus if you want to get placed higher on the waiting list. 

I better get going for now. There's a lot of work involved with setting up a new colony in space. Until next time....