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Friday, May 12, 2017

Friday, time for a cease fire.

Friday is victory, the battles of the week are over, today is a victory lap.  Yes, there were close calls, and narrow escapes, terrifying confrontations with belligerent Visigoths from the customer service department,(note to self, send a diplomatic envoy to R and D to convey good will, and express a desire to sign a non aggression treaty, and hammer the telephone center with small arms fire from both sides, a good non aggression pact can allow for some real aggression) but that is past, and the cusp of the weekend has arrived.

There are few things in life more precious than Friday, so relish the day, and don't even think about the unrest fomenting in the Mail room, it is a nothing when compared to the liberty of a two days off. Maybe, on Monday, we should think about aligning ourselves with the accounts payable department, they send a lot of mail, and that would be a good way to plant a spy in the mail room, find and exploit the weaknesses.  There is a rumor making the rounds that the folder inserter operator collects salt and pepper shakers in the shape of biblical characters. We might be able to use that to get a little dirt on the supervisor.

It will be so nice to walk out tonight, savoring the aroma of emancipation, knowing that the barbecue tongs are clean, the lawn is mowed, and there are steaks in the refrigerator.  There are few parallels in the modern world, to compare with the elation of Friday.  Don't even think about those Vandals from the legal department snooping around in the hallway, pretending they dropped a push pin and rolled all the way down to your department. Just make sure you didn't throw anything incriminating in the trash. What I like to do is cross out my name and throw it in the waste basket down in the custodial workroom. Don't let them catch you loitering around down there, though, mop handles and broom sticks leave welts and some scars that can't be seen and will never heal.

We are planning to post snipers in the hallway next week in an effort to stop the infiltrators from QC
who keep coming down here to plant booby traps in the coffee machine. Last week, Janet's "World's Greatest Administrative Assistant" mug blew up when she poured in the aerated non-dairy creamer. She was heartbroken. Of course, it didn't really bother anybody else, because nobody really believed she was the "greatest administrative assistant" in the world. Many of us couldn't find proof that she was an administrative assistant at all. But, she did spend 9.95 plus tax on the mug. If anybody knows where we can lay on hands on light artillery pieces we would be grateful.

I feel like I should leave you with a little wisdom, some gem to help you gird up your loins for next week. God knows, any week that starts with a Monday is likely to get bad, before it goes completely dark. Maybe the quote from William Tecumseh Sherman is most appropriate, business "is cruelty. There is no use trying to reform it. The crueler it is, the sooner it will be over."  Oh, and don't forget, performance evaluations are due next Thursday, and there will be cake in the lunch room Monday to celebrate Mother's Day.