Oscars for Dummies

Tonight is the Academy Award show. We can barely control our excitement. We, here at Life Explained, have started a pool, not the kind you swim in, of course. A device to make gambling easier and seem more legitimate. Let’s face it, saying I put twenty dollars on A Star is Born to win best picture would sound like a desperate cry for help. Not as bad as saying I put $100.00 on Mary Queen of Scots to win the Oscar for Makeup and Hair Styling. That would sound as if you had a real problem. And, too much free time. And too much money.

But, if you have a “pool” everything is just for fun. Just a good time. Just entertainment, that’s all. Things can get heated, though. We had to break up a fist fight in the laboratory.

“No way Vincente Minnelli deserved the Directing Oscar for Gigi in 1959. Any idiot with a bag of popcorn and a television can tell you Mark Robson and The Inn of the Sixth Happiness owned the award that year.” Said Bob, from Applied Chemistry.

“What are you, a moron?” Asked Felix, from Physics and Composites. “Stanley Kramer and his stark vision of modern society The Defiant Ones was clearly the obvious choice.”

That was all it took. Soon they were rolling on the floor. Somehow they missed all the jagged shards of broken beakers threatening to leave them sliced and bloody. But, security came, picked them up, dusted them off and told them Richard Brooks and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was the only choice. Bruised feelings and sprained joints for everyone.

In what turned out to be a real wet blanket none of us had seen any of the movies that have been nominated for any of the awards. We are, it seems, uncultured slobs with the taste of philistines. In fact, unless Bugs Bunny is nominated for best actor, or Transformers is up for best picture we are all going to lose. So, we rented Alien bought some pizza and are having our own Academy Award party. Feel free to nominate your choice by leaving a comment at Life Explained, the Facebook Page.

Thank you,

And the Winner Is,

Apparently, the guy who hosts the new Family Feud made a mistake and announced the wrong winner at the Miss Universe Pageant. It might have been last year, I didn't see it happen, but it was so widely reported that it had to be true. Then, someone announced the wrong film as winning the Oscar for best film, again, I didn't see it happen, but it seems to be accurate. Except for the complete humiliation of the presenter and the terrible heartbreak of the person, or in the case of the Academy Award the people, no real damage was done.

In fact, it might have been better to just move on. I don't know how the cat got out of the bag in either case, but what is the worst thing that could have happened had the beans not been spilled. (Please note the two metaphors meaning the same thing in one paragraph, it shows you are reading a quality blog.)

Sure, we would have had a phony Miss Universe, but it isn't like the other, almost Miss Universe would have been a terrible choice, she was so close. Do you think anybody outside a very tight circle would have been any wiser, things would have been any different. Can you imagine some case where somebody, probably chomping a burnt out, cheap cigar, says. "You know, this would have been a lot better with a different Miss Universe. I just don't like the cut of her jib."

"Aye, Captain, shes not fit to swab the poop deck, that one. Were it only like the old days, when Miss Universe could run a mutineer clean through the liver, and gizzards with her cutlass. We've not had a decent one in a..." You get the idea.

Let's just say that is difficult to imagine. Yes, it is important to have things work out the way they should, once in a while. But common decency should factor in there somewhere.

Both of the films in the great Best Film fiasco were fine, fine movies. Though, I don't know what they are, have seen neither of them, and am completely unfit to make any comparisons, or evaluations. But, to get that close, they must be worthy. The makers of one film were thrilled, the other crestfallen. That will always be the case. Do we have to add false hope?

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you do both at once.

Who knows, this may have been going on for years. It probably has. We just never knew it before,
Why all of the sudden two high profile cases? It could have, at times, even been intentional. "I hate Guatemala, they are not getting Miss Universe, not on my watch." and he picked Luxembourg. And we never knew. Or, "I thought that movie sucked, my ass it's getting best picture." It was invisible to us.

Now, I don't know what to believe, if the Oscars are false is anything real. Life was better when we were all kept in the dark. I miss those days.

And the winner is.

Today is the big day, the Oscars, (named after the bologna, a staple at the pre-ceremony buffet, for those of you wondering).  Truly, this is a joyous day, when people who toil, and slave in ignominy for little or no wage finally get some recognition for all of their hard work.  No, wait that is me, the tireless blogger, working desperately to explain life, one dilemma, one inconsistency at a time.   I think actors, and actresses, producers, directors, and others in the movie biz make a little coin,  but who knows.

On an interesting side note, the other day my friend, and co-worker, John mentioned that we might all (we, and all, referring to mankind as a whole) might be a computer simulation for some child of the "gods."  My friend, and co-worker, Bil replied that he sincerely hopes they don't stick him in a room with no doors, so he would be forced to wet himself.  Which may not explain anything, but it is one more thing to worry about.  Of course, giving voice to that fear may not be a such a good idea, if we are a simulation, but that is another post.

Anyway, back to the Bolognas, or more commonly the Oscars.  Here is our rundown, and predictions.

Best Picture nominees are;

Gravity
Nebraska
Her
Pilomena

And several others that are too lengthy to type.

Well, since I haven't seen any of them, I am going to pick Her, since it is the easiest to type.  By extension, just go through the list, and pick the shortest title and that is my choice to win the coveted processed lunch meat.

Remember, fried bologna is always better than microwaved.  And add the cheese liberally, it really brings the sandwich home.